Ep 83: 5 Failures From Success – Conclusion Part 2

I'm Clark. Speaks the catastrophic injury. Lawyer, welcome to the verdict. This is five failures from success.

Hey, welcome back. My name is Carson Grace Toomer, and I'm here with American injury lawyer. Clark speaks now. Mr. Speaks. You know, previously we talked about your you know, maybe, quote, unquote, first failure that you've pulled out from your life, that you felt, you know, led to a positive outlook on your own life. What would be the second one? The second

one was, I was a fat kid, you know, and so it was a crazy fat, but I was fat, you know, like everybody else that seemed like growing up, was ripped and athletic and all this and, and I was a chunky kid, you know, went out from, from like, you know, how? You know, when you go to public school or for school of any sort, you're, you know, from time you're in first grade to the time you're, you know, finishing up Middle School, a lot of what you're learning is to sit and be still and not move around. And so, so I was a chunky kid growing up, and that sort of really impacts it's not some you would know, unless you were a chunky kid. But so what it does is it impacts your self esteem. It impacts your life in a lot of ways. And you think and you it drives your thoughts and behaviors and all this for a long period of time. So at some point in time, you feel like you know you're left out. Maybe you're picked last for a team. Maybe you're you know, maybe you know, I remember being in but you don't know you're fat, right? So you show up to school and you got your headband on, you got you're ready to go. And I wouldn't, literally never forget I played a lot of sports when I was a kid, so I so I remember, for example, I'm on this. They didn't have a lot of youth league stuff when I was a kid, but they had some stuff, and I played basketball with my buddies in these so I was okay. You know what great, I don't Penny means. But I was okay. And so we, then we play at church league basketball. And so this is back in the 80s, and they were, they were not interested in participation trophies or any of that kind of stuff. If you weren't good, just didn't play. So they put me in at the very end of the game, right? And and I'm there in my tight little uniform and all, and I'm and I'm like, These people don't respect who I am as a basketball player, and I'm going to fix that right? So the kid you know, who's the captain, or whatever, accidentally passes me the ball, and I'm like, I'm going to show him what's up. So I dribble and all over the place, and I'm just showing off my dribbling skills, and I hear them saying something, and I'm like, What are they saying? And they're like, pass the ball. Pass the ball. And so I'm thinking, you guys are just still not seeing my skills that I am on there on display for everybody. So let me show you this anyway. Then the whistle blows, the game's over, and they were saying, pass the ball because we're down by one point. We need a basket. We don't need you run around the court, you know, but so, so that's an example of how you know, you know that that, you know, being a chunky kid affected, you know, my and then I was, then I was worse, right? Then I'm like, now I'm the chunky kid that doesn't know how to play basketball and doesn't understand the game that you got to get more points by the than the other team and all this. And so anyways, and then I remember other occasions where, where I would be, like, you know, would see. I remember being in probably the fourth grade, and I delivered newspapers, right? And one of the girls on my route was also in the fourth grade, and I thought she was beautiful, you know. And she was beautiful for the fourth grader, you know. And so I, you know, I would go to deliver the newspapers, and, you know, for her, I'd, you know, kind of check my look in the mirror before I got up to the door. And, you know, kind of be like, you know, here's your newspaper and, and she could not have been less interested. And partially because she's in fourth grade for chronic lab, but also probably because, you know, I was a show you kid. At some point in time, she was in my class, and at some point in time I, you know, let it be known, hey, you know what's up? And I remember just she was so like, you know, you know, in her, I could see in her face that she was like. That is not even such, not a possibility that she, she had her, her friend, you know, very abruptly, tell me that was not a possibility, which is, the funny thing is, her friend was big. Than I was so but her friend, very directly, informed me that that was not on the table, that that was not in our collective future. And so those kinds of experiences were, you know, negative, challenging, and I felt like a failure, right? I feel like I was, and also, by the way, you know, my dad was super athletic. My brother was, it was, and is to this day, a very, very athletic person, and was strong and fit and and just ripped, you know, he was, you know, best figure in high school, and was on the Carolina track team at UNC, and he was a, he was a tremendous athlete, and so, so it just sort of impacted my perception of myself. And, you know, you know, you see photos of yourself and you're like, oh gosh, you know, can I get to the back of the group or whatever? And so, so that was a challenge, and that was a that was a failure, right? Because that's, that's directly something I'm doing, right? I am not doing the things that I should do in order to be in order to be fit and healthy. How

did your experience kind of impact your interactions with your peers, and then more. So, you know, following that your self esteem, and it seems like it was kind of this snowball effect that, you know, you interact with your peers, and it lowers your self esteem, and then your self esteem is lowered. So that alters, you know, your interactions with your peers. Am I right?

Sure? Yeah. I mean, you know, so I did have some friends who were also chunky, which is funny, but, and they would be it would be amused to hear one of them I talked to on them this morning on the way in. Two of them, I'm sorry I talked to this morning on the way in. A lot of my friends to this day are people I've known since I was six years old. So, so, yeah, so, so those, so those, it does impact your self esteem. It impacts your relationship. It impacts your you know, I'll never forget I'm I remember being in probably fifth grade, and there was a kid that was sitting behind me, and when, in the 80s, we used to it was Levi's, right? Levi's were a big deal, and this was something that only a heavy kid would recognize, but they would print your waist size and length of your pants on the back of your pants, which I thought was like the cruelest joke that anybody has ever come up with in the history of the world. But somehow they thought that was a good idea to put and I remember this kid was behind me, and he was like, you know, 3630 and he was like, wait a minute, you know, he just couldn't get his head around. He was like, Hey, man, your waist, your waist is bigger than your than your length of your pants. And I'm like, Yeah, I got it, thanks. And he's like, no, no, no, you're not. It's crazy. Your waist, your waist the length of your the distance, the circumference, I'm sure, you know. And I'm like, bro, I got it, you know, I hear what you're saying. He could not get his head around the concept of of of somebody being having a waist that was bigger than their, you know, because he was like, you know, little thin guy and all this. So the whole thing was just, it just defines so much of your self perception of who you are, of what your abilities are, of what your capabilities are. And in your mind, you see yourself as this person who you know everybody's telling you you can do anything. You can be anything you you know you can do anything you want to do. And it's true that you can do anything you want to do, but then you see this, this sort of and that. And then it becomes sort of a cyclical thing, where you're like, you want to do these things, you see yourself doing these things, but then you're frustrated by your own decisions, because you're the one that's making this, this world. And I don't know that it's any different if it's like a if there's other artificial limitations that you put on yourself, maybe substance abuse or alcoholism, or, you know, drug addiction or phone addiction, or whatever these kinds of things are, they sort of self perpetuate to some extent. According to somebody who's had a drug problem, could give you more information about that than I but, but I do think that it's that has a lot of commonality.

How did this experience, kind of, you know, impact not only your outlook on your life as a whole, but also your lifestyle going forward well. So it was

such a defining part of my youth and my experience as a kid, that at some point I decided, hey, you know, you get to that point where you're like, all right, I'm done with this. And so I remember fifth, sixth grade, so I was, I was the same weight in the sixth, seventh, eighth and maybe not. No, yeah, sixth, seventh, eighth and maybe ninth grade. And I grew up, went substantially taller, and so at that point in time, I had kind of made a commitment, you know, my brother, who was a fitness guy and was a very athletic had sort of, you know, helped me figure out some things to do, like he was in, he was in a gym. Guys in my town had a gym. It was kind of an old school gym, right? So there was a lot of, you know, just kind of tough guys there and stuff. And I remember being there, and my brother was in a weight lifting contest there, and I'm over on and he was training for that with this group of guys who were older and, you know, more seasoned. And I remember I was sort of in the corner riding a stationary bike, right? And I was, he might have been, I forget, maybe I was in the sixth grade or something. And this is kind of at the beginning of my sort of transition into something else. And I'm so I'm riding a bike and riding a bike, and he's working out. And then they come back and somebody notices, hey, you've been riding the bike for like, 30 minutes, you know? And so they start making a big deal out of it. It's big deal. It's right, you're riding a bike. But the guys there start making a big deal out of it, these older guys and my brother are trying to make a big deal out of it. And they're like, Hey, man, nobody's ever ridden a bike for like, an hour before. And so I'm like, you know, riding the bike or whatever. I don't know that that was real, but that was on the wall as being a record for some period of time, you know. And there was really just to sort of, you know, help me. That was their effort to help me sort of feel good about something that I had accomplished. Because they had to see me sitting there watching my brother do all these crazy, great things, you know, and and so they sort of felt this and so, but what it did is it gave me some kind of confidence and go, Okay, now, now I've started right? And so then I, then I, and then I say, what else can I do? So I, so I play sports in high school, they didn't have really the same development, the same degree of youth sports that they have now. So I played sports in high school, and I played football and and when you when you know that was a difficult thing, because I wasn't in great shape when I started. And I played with some phenomenal kids that were just really good and talented, and some coaches that were just awesome. And but what it did do is it forced you to kind of catch up and it and, and so by, by doing that, and this is all as because I was, like, trying to get away from this, you know, chubby kid, right? And so it, you know, forced me to get out of my comfort zone to say, hey, if I want to do something different, I gotta, I gotta, if I want to be something different, I gotta do something different. And so it forced me to go do these things. And I did do the things. And at first it's, it was, you know, scary. I was played with some really good people who were tough and strong and bigger and all this and then. But over time, it taught me how to, you know, how to follow when on a team and be on a team. It taught me all the lessons of youth sports, how to lead, how to sacrifice, how to be disciplined. I mean, you play college sports. I mean, you know, all the benefits that you get from from participating in sports at whatever level. You know, I don't think it has to be at a, at a, you know, a college level, for you to get the same benefit of a of a of a team. And so it really I got a chance to be around people and to see people and to and to and to learn all these valuable life lessons that I if I hadn't had this commitment in my head, hey, I've got a I've got to behave differently in order to be different. And so that that was a that was an important part of the process for me, is, is, and then, because I was involved in youth sports, fitness and athletic training and those kinds of things became an important part of what you did right in the off season. You got to maintain your fitness. So I so what I just did was I said, Okay, well, in order to stay in shape for football, I'm going to wrestle. And then that opened me up to a whole new world of and so I wrestled in high school, and now I wasn't, I wasn't good, you know, but I wrestled with some people who were really good, like there were some kids on my team that were phenomenal, and some coaches that I had, Coach man and coach Paul and these other guys that were just really good, and they were dedicated, even it was a small town small school, They were accomplished, and they were took their positions seriously, and they taught us life lessons that I think would will or valuable to this day, and and then, you know, I mean, I can remember wrestling one point in time, just one quick anecdote we're sitting on. All in the bleachers, or the wrestling team is sitting in the bleachers. And one of this good kid, this kid, this good guy's name is Dan McCormick. He was a good wrestler. Dan McCormick, Travis day, Robert Reynolds, all these guys were really good, good wrestlers. Frank Eastman, Mike Sinclair, so these, these are good, good wrestlers, and they're sitting on the on the bleachers, and and Dan goes, Hey, who's who's who's wrestling, Martin. This is kid Martin, and the coach kind of looks at him like, and he's like, No, I just wonder who's wrestling Martin. And the coaches like, you know? And I'm like, What's going on here? And then about that time you hear, I hear the other teams coming in, and I hear sort of a jingling, like jingling. It sounds like Santa Claus, right? And I'm like, trying to, trying to do the math on that, and, and then I see the team coming in, and there's one kid that has medals from here all the way down, from here all the way down, and and. And then the kids, the kid who said who's wrestling Martin, kind of looks around like laughing, as if his point were proven anyway. So this kid is Martin, and he is a phenomenal wrestler from a rival school and so, and he is in my weight class, and so I'm going to be wrestling Martin and and I remember at weigh in, you know, he, he looked like a professional athlete, and I did not. And so I was like, Oh, this is going to be tough. So like, and my wrestling coach was, had come from a real big program, so he was really into it. And people would come to our wrestling matches, and so they would, they would dim all the lights, right? So lights are in the gym, are completely out, it's dark, and there's a spotlight right in the center of the mat. And so it's a, kind of a dramatic, you know, setup. So I'll get out there and I'm going to wrestle this guy, and I'm, if truth be told, I was, I was afraid, and we start, you know, the match. And anyway, we wrestle. And he's, he is every bit as good as they suggested he would be, you know, but, but I'm, you know, I make it much farther into the match than I thought. And he was, you know, almost pinned within seconds of this thing starting. So the whole time I'm, like, fighting off my back, goes through the first period, goes to the second period, gets almost through the third period, and the ref calls it, you know? He's like, you know, yeah, he indicates that the match is over. And I'm like, no way he didn't pin me, you know? I was furious. I was like, No, I wasn't disrespectful of the coach for the referee. But I was like, I was not, he did not pin and then the coach had to come and explain to me how it wasn't that you were pinned. It was a technical superiority he got so far ahead of you that we caught it, you know, but, but, I mean, even coming through that loss, and it was a, you know, it's a public loss, but it gave me confidence, going, that's the one of the best guys. I mean, this is, this is easily one of the best wrestlers in the state. I mean, not just for my weight class, for any weight class, he might be one of the best wrestlers in the southeast, and I was on the mat with him, and I did my best, and I and I felt like I had a respectable showing, you know? So that's another thing that you know. So these, these, these experiences that you have as a result of something that might have been negative, right? You're a chunky kid or whatever, that ends up being a source for me of and also that that experience gave me credibility with my teammates, that experience gave me credibility with my coach treated me differently after that, because he saw how hard I worked and how hard I tried, and he saw heart and courage that he might not have known was there. And so that's one of the ways that this thing that I thought was a curse. And it also told me, you know, it told me, hey, you've got a gear. And we all do, right? This is not just me personally, it's you've got a gear in there that you didn't know you had. You know that you might not you might

not win, you know, necessarily every match, but you can compete, you know. And I use that in my my life today. That's those same experiences, you know, because life can be hard, there can be challenges, professionally, personally, family, spiritually, emotionally, and if you have been through those kinds of challenges, and then you can take those lessons. You can take that those experiences, that confidence and. Say, Hey, if I can make it through that, I can make it through this. You know, I'll tell you example of how I how it affected my early in my career, I used to do a lot of criminal defense in addition to personal injury. And so I had this one case in particular. What that was, the guy was being charged some very, very serious offenses. There was a witness that was available on the other side of the state, but he was in jail. He would have been helpful to my client. So there's two ways you can approach this. One way is to go, Hey, I'm sorry. He's in jail. I can't get him here. The trial is going on. Judge is not going to move this date we're trying this case. The other way is to figure something out. So I try to figure something out. There was no figuring it out. He wasn't going to the trial started, and he was still in jail, and I could not get him there under the circumstances. I could not subpoena him there. So the trial goes, he gets out on day like three of this trial, and I'm in communication the whole time with the jail, and I calculate that if the trial gets out at five, I can go to the other side of the state, get him come back, take a shower, be back at the courthouse in time for the trial to commence at nine o'clock the next day. Most people probably wouldn't have done that. They would have said, you know, but because I have, but I think it's because I have been through these sort of challenges. A lot of them were, you know, physical and athletic in nature, you know, I'm like, I think back to this situation and when I was wrestling, and I'm like, I'm not gonna not do this thing just because it's hard. So the trial ends on, you know, Wednesday, at five or whatever. You know, the judge gives me permission. I run out of the courtroom. I go to my car. I've got my bag packed. I go and I start, and I'm like, three hours outside of town, I get a call that the the the jailer, the head jailer of the county where I was going to get this guy had was, had called us and said, Hey, he heard about what you're doing, and he's he's made arrangements to send the guy through. You don't have to do that. He's made arrangements to send the guy. They're going to transport. So they transported my guy to the courthouse where I was trying to case for the purposes of him being and he was a witness, and it worked out, and and all this, you know. But that's something that I might not have ever done. You know, that going, that you know, extra mile and not being boxed in by my perception of what the limitations were because of experiences like that and so, so. So I think that, again, that's why this thing that I thought was such a curse. And then there's another thing about it too, which is because of the things that I did and that sort of commitment to fitness during that period of time, it carried over. So I've worked out pretty consistently since I was 12 or 13 years old. There was a period of time in college where I kind of, you know, took some time off and didn't do much, and, and, and all that, but, but other than that little stretch, I've worked out consistently for 40 years, you know. And the reason that's been important for me is because No, no, no, weights always been a struggle for me. So my weight goes, I mean, you can look at videos from the podcast a year ago, and I was 25 pounds here, and I am now. So that's always been, and that may be all something I always struggle with, but at least I know that I have the I can do the things that I need to do to to address it, you know, and it's been a huge benefit for me, because it has improved. It has increased the longevity and the quality of my life, my family, we have. Some of us have heart disease, you know, cardiovascular issues. And in fact, I had a I had two stints put in three or four months ago, cardiovascular issues and but if I hadn't, you know, done all the physical things that I have done to try to address this fitness issue, this. Weight issue. You know, then my, you know, if I didn't have that, that issue that compelled me to work out all the time, to exercise all the time, to train all the time, and to be careful about what I'm eating, I probably would have, my cardiovascular issues would have progressed much further. And you think that cardiovascular issues are a weight. You think it's a Okay, heavy people are the ones. That's not true. I just got finished with cardiac rehab, and it was people of all different weights, right? People with all different weights were in cardio rehab. And so if I would have been thin as a kid, I might not have never done these things and spent the last 3040, years working out and training and exercising so that my cardiovascular issues would have been so much more progressed. My grandfather, who was not heavy at all, died at 62 of a heart attack, you know? So this is another example of how something that I thought was terrible, it was a curse. It was like, Why me? You know, I mean, it's kind of silly because it's completely within your control, but that's how I was looking at it. It has ended up being a blessing, because it has caused me to take the steps, to have opportunities, to have relationships, to have experiences, to drive confidence, to have have to learn things and to do things that are going to extend the duration and quality of my life.

If you could sum up maybe one or two big life lessons that you learned from this experience, what would those be?

I would say I um, I think it goes back to the original premise that something that's going on in your life that you think is negative may not actually be negative. It may be something positive. It depends on how you look at it and what you do about it and how you approach it going forward, it can be a platform for failure, excuse for failure, or a platform for success. I tell my kids that a lot, if something bad happens, if you don't get into the school that you want. I mean, kids think, think about that today, like, if you don't get into school you want, you think, Oh, my my life is over. No, it's not. That's ridiculous, you know, it's just, or if you, if you, you know, I talked to a young person yesterday, they got arrested for something, and they think, Oh, my life is up. No, it's not, you know, it's not over. It's not, it's not insurmountable, you know. You know, if you're dead, then it's over, you know? If you're not, there's an opportunity for you something good to come out of it, you know. So that's the biggest life lesson that I can think of that comes from this whole situation. The other thing is, is, is to draw support from the different places that you might have it available. Maybe it's from a podcast. Maybe it's from a friend, a teacher, a coach, a parent. It could be from a child, but, you know, we can draw, you know, for me, it's always been lots of people. That's been from my family, from my mom, my brother and my it's been for my friends. It's been from, you know, coaches and coworkers and colleagues and you know, sometimes adversaries, you know. So I think drawing lessons and examples and experiences from yourself and from what you see in other people is a critical component to success.

All right. Well, thank you, sure.

Thanks for joining us. Don't forget to subscribe and follow us to stay up to date with our weekly episodes. We'll see you next time you.

I'm Clark. Speaks the catastrophic injury. Lawyer, welcome to the verdict. This is five failures from success.

Hey, welcome back. My name is Carson Grace Toomer, and I'm here with American injury lawyer. Clark speaks now. Mr. Speaks. You know, previously we talked about your you know, maybe, quote, unquote, first failure that you've pulled out from your life, that you felt, you know, led to a positive outlook on your own life. What would be the second one? The second

one was, I was a fat kid, you know, and so it was a crazy fat, but I was fat, you know, like everybody else that seemed like growing up, was ripped and athletic and all this and, and I was a chunky kid, you know, went out from, from like, you know, how? You know, when you go to public school or for school of any sort, you're, you know, from time you're in first grade to the time you're, you know, finishing up Middle School, a lot of what you're learning is to sit and be still and not move around. And so, so I was a chunky kid growing up, and that sort of really impacts it's not some you would know, unless you were a chunky kid. But so what it does is it impacts your self esteem. It impacts your life in a lot of ways. And you think and you it drives your thoughts and behaviors and all this for a long period of time. So at some point in time, you feel like you know you're left out. Maybe you're picked last for a team. Maybe you're you know, maybe you know, I remember being in but you don't know you're fat, right? So you show up to school and you got your headband on, you got you're ready to go. And I wouldn't, literally never forget I played a lot of sports when I was a kid, so I so I remember, for example, I'm on this. They didn't have a lot of youth league stuff when I was a kid, but they had some stuff, and I played basketball with my buddies in these so I was okay. You know what great, I don't Penny means. But I was okay. And so we, then we play at church league basketball. And so this is back in the 80s, and they were, they were not interested in participation trophies or any of that kind of stuff. If you weren't good, just didn't play. So they put me in at the very end of the game, right? And and I'm there in my tight little uniform and all, and I'm and I'm like, These people don't respect who I am as a basketball player, and I'm going to fix that right? So the kid you know, who's the captain, or whatever, accidentally passes me the ball, and I'm like, I'm going to show him what's up. So I dribble and all over the place, and I'm just showing off my dribbling skills, and I hear them saying something, and I'm like, What are they saying? And they're like, pass the ball. Pass the ball. And so I'm thinking, you guys are just still not seeing my skills that I am on there on display for everybody. So let me show you this anyway. Then the whistle blows, the game's over, and they were saying, pass the ball because we're down by one point. We need a basket. We don't need you run around the court, you know, but so, so that's an example of how you know, you know that that, you know, being a chunky kid affected, you know, my and then I was, then I was worse, right? Then I'm like, now I'm the chunky kid that doesn't know how to play basketball and doesn't understand the game that you got to get more points by the than the other team and all this. And so anyways, and then I remember other occasions where, where I would be, like, you know, would see. I remember being in probably the fourth grade, and I delivered newspapers, right? And one of the girls on my route was also in the fourth grade, and I thought she was beautiful, you know. And she was beautiful for the fourth grader, you know. And so I, you know, I would go to deliver the newspapers, and, you know, for her, I'd, you know, kind of check my look in the mirror before I got up to the door. And, you know, kind of be like, you know, here's your newspaper and, and she could not have been less interested. And partially because she's in fourth grade for chronic lab, but also probably because, you know, I was a show you kid. At some point in time, she was in my class, and at some point in time I, you know, let it be known, hey, you know what's up? And I remember just she was so like, you know, you know, in her, I could see in her face that she was like. That is not even such, not a possibility that she, she had her, her friend, you know, very abruptly, tell me that was not a possibility, which is, the funny thing is, her friend was big. Than I was so but her friend, very directly, informed me that that was not on the table, that that was not in our collective future. And so those kinds of experiences were, you know, negative, challenging, and I felt like a failure, right? I feel like I was, and also, by the way, you know, my dad was super athletic. My brother was, it was, and is to this day, a very, very athletic person, and was strong and fit and and just ripped, you know, he was, you know, best figure in high school, and was on the Carolina track team at UNC, and he was a, he was a tremendous athlete, and so, so it just sort of impacted my perception of myself. And, you know, you know, you see photos of yourself and you're like, oh gosh, you know, can I get to the back of the group or whatever? And so, so that was a challenge, and that was a that was a failure, right? Because that's, that's directly something I'm doing, right? I am not doing the things that I should do in order to be in order to be fit and healthy. How

did your experience kind of impact your interactions with your peers, and then more. So, you know, following that your self esteem, and it seems like it was kind of this snowball effect that, you know, you interact with your peers, and it lowers your self esteem, and then your self esteem is lowered. So that alters, you know, your interactions with your peers. Am I right?

Sure? Yeah. I mean, you know, so I did have some friends who were also chunky, which is funny, but, and they would be it would be amused to hear one of them I talked to on them this morning on the way in. Two of them, I'm sorry I talked to this morning on the way in. A lot of my friends to this day are people I've known since I was six years old. So, so, yeah, so, so those, so those, it does impact your self esteem. It impacts your relationship. It impacts your you know, I'll never forget I'm I remember being in probably fifth grade, and there was a kid that was sitting behind me, and when, in the 80s, we used to it was Levi's, right? Levi's were a big deal, and this was something that only a heavy kid would recognize, but they would print your waist size and length of your pants on the back of your pants, which I thought was like the cruelest joke that anybody has ever come up with in the history of the world. But somehow they thought that was a good idea to put and I remember this kid was behind me, and he was like, you know, 3630 and he was like, wait a minute, you know, he just couldn't get his head around. He was like, Hey, man, your waist, your waist is bigger than your than your length of your pants. And I'm like, Yeah, I got it, thanks. And he's like, no, no, no, you're not. It's crazy. Your waist, your waist the length of your the distance, the circumference, I'm sure, you know. And I'm like, bro, I got it, you know, I hear what you're saying. He could not get his head around the concept of of of somebody being having a waist that was bigger than their, you know, because he was like, you know, little thin guy and all this. So the whole thing was just, it just defines so much of your self perception of who you are, of what your abilities are, of what your capabilities are. And in your mind, you see yourself as this person who you know everybody's telling you you can do anything. You can be anything you you know you can do anything you want to do. And it's true that you can do anything you want to do, but then you see this, this sort of and that. And then it becomes sort of a cyclical thing, where you're like, you want to do these things, you see yourself doing these things, but then you're frustrated by your own decisions, because you're the one that's making this, this world. And I don't know that it's any different if it's like a if there's other artificial limitations that you put on yourself, maybe substance abuse or alcoholism, or, you know, drug addiction or phone addiction, or whatever these kinds of things are, they sort of self perpetuate to some extent. According to somebody who's had a drug problem, could give you more information about that than I but, but I do think that it's that has a lot of commonality.

How did this experience, kind of, you know, impact not only your outlook on your life as a whole, but also your lifestyle going forward well. So it was

such a defining part of my youth and my experience as a kid, that at some point I decided, hey, you know, you get to that point where you're like, all right, I'm done with this. And so I remember fifth, sixth grade, so I was, I was the same weight in the sixth, seventh, eighth and maybe not. No, yeah, sixth, seventh, eighth and maybe ninth grade. And I grew up, went substantially taller, and so at that point in time, I had kind of made a commitment, you know, my brother, who was a fitness guy and was a very athletic had sort of, you know, helped me figure out some things to do, like he was in, he was in a gym. Guys in my town had a gym. It was kind of an old school gym, right? So there was a lot of, you know, just kind of tough guys there and stuff. And I remember being there, and my brother was in a weight lifting contest there, and I'm over on and he was training for that with this group of guys who were older and, you know, more seasoned. And I remember I was sort of in the corner riding a stationary bike, right? And I was, he might have been, I forget, maybe I was in the sixth grade or something. And this is kind of at the beginning of my sort of transition into something else. And I'm so I'm riding a bike and riding a bike, and he's working out. And then they come back and somebody notices, hey, you've been riding the bike for like, 30 minutes, you know? And so they start making a big deal out of it. It's big deal. It's right, you're riding a bike. But the guys there start making a big deal out of it, these older guys and my brother are trying to make a big deal out of it. And they're like, Hey, man, nobody's ever ridden a bike for like, an hour before. And so I'm like, you know, riding the bike or whatever. I don't know that that was real, but that was on the wall as being a record for some period of time, you know. And there was really just to sort of, you know, help me. That was their effort to help me sort of feel good about something that I had accomplished. Because they had to see me sitting there watching my brother do all these crazy, great things, you know, and and so they sort of felt this and so, but what it did is it gave me some kind of confidence and go, Okay, now, now I've started right? And so then I, then I, and then I say, what else can I do? So I, so I play sports in high school, they didn't have really the same development, the same degree of youth sports that they have now. So I played sports in high school, and I played football and and when you when you know that was a difficult thing, because I wasn't in great shape when I started. And I played with some phenomenal kids that were just really good and talented, and some coaches that were just awesome. And but what it did do is it forced you to kind of catch up and it and, and so by, by doing that, and this is all as because I was, like, trying to get away from this, you know, chubby kid, right? And so it, you know, forced me to get out of my comfort zone to say, hey, if I want to do something different, I gotta, I gotta, if I want to be something different, I gotta do something different. And so it forced me to go do these things. And I did do the things. And at first it's, it was, you know, scary. I was played with some really good people who were tough and strong and bigger and all this and then. But over time, it taught me how to, you know, how to follow when on a team and be on a team. It taught me all the lessons of youth sports, how to lead, how to sacrifice, how to be disciplined. I mean, you play college sports. I mean, you know, all the benefits that you get from from participating in sports at whatever level. You know, I don't think it has to be at a, at a, you know, a college level, for you to get the same benefit of a of a of a team. And so it really I got a chance to be around people and to see people and to and to and to learn all these valuable life lessons that I if I hadn't had this commitment in my head, hey, I've got a I've got to behave differently in order to be different. And so that that was a that was an important part of the process for me, is, is, and then, because I was involved in youth sports, fitness and athletic training and those kinds of things became an important part of what you did right in the off season. You got to maintain your fitness. So I so what I just did was I said, Okay, well, in order to stay in shape for football, I'm going to wrestle. And then that opened me up to a whole new world of and so I wrestled in high school, and now I wasn't, I wasn't good, you know, but I wrestled with some people who were really good, like there were some kids on my team that were phenomenal, and some coaches that I had, Coach man and coach Paul and these other guys that were just really good, and they were dedicated, even it was a small town small school, They were accomplished, and they were took their positions seriously, and they taught us life lessons that I think would will or valuable to this day, and and then, you know, I mean, I can remember wrestling one point in time, just one quick anecdote we're sitting on. All in the bleachers, or the wrestling team is sitting in the bleachers. And one of this good kid, this kid, this good guy's name is Dan McCormick. He was a good wrestler. Dan McCormick, Travis day, Robert Reynolds, all these guys were really good, good wrestlers. Frank Eastman, Mike Sinclair, so these, these are good, good wrestlers, and they're sitting on the on the bleachers, and and Dan goes, Hey, who's who's who's wrestling, Martin. This is kid Martin, and the coach kind of looks at him like, and he's like, No, I just wonder who's wrestling Martin. And the coaches like, you know? And I'm like, What's going on here? And then about that time you hear, I hear the other teams coming in, and I hear sort of a jingling, like jingling. It sounds like Santa Claus, right? And I'm like, trying to, trying to do the math on that, and, and then I see the team coming in, and there's one kid that has medals from here all the way down, from here all the way down, and and. And then the kids, the kid who said who's wrestling Martin, kind of looks around like laughing, as if his point were proven anyway. So this kid is Martin, and he is a phenomenal wrestler from a rival school and so, and he is in my weight class, and so I'm going to be wrestling Martin and and I remember at weigh in, you know, he, he looked like a professional athlete, and I did not. And so I was like, Oh, this is going to be tough. So like, and my wrestling coach was, had come from a real big program, so he was really into it. And people would come to our wrestling matches, and so they would, they would dim all the lights, right? So lights are in the gym, are completely out, it's dark, and there's a spotlight right in the center of the mat. And so it's a, kind of a dramatic, you know, setup. So I'll get out there and I'm going to wrestle this guy, and I'm, if truth be told, I was, I was afraid, and we start, you know, the match. And anyway, we wrestle. And he's, he is every bit as good as they suggested he would be, you know, but, but I'm, you know, I make it much farther into the match than I thought. And he was, you know, almost pinned within seconds of this thing starting. So the whole time I'm, like, fighting off my back, goes through the first period, goes to the second period, gets almost through the third period, and the ref calls it, you know? He's like, you know, yeah, he indicates that the match is over. And I'm like, no way he didn't pin me, you know? I was furious. I was like, No, I wasn't disrespectful of the coach for the referee. But I was like, I was not, he did not pin and then the coach had to come and explain to me how it wasn't that you were pinned. It was a technical superiority he got so far ahead of you that we caught it, you know, but, but, I mean, even coming through that loss, and it was a, you know, it's a public loss, but it gave me confidence, going, that's the one of the best guys. I mean, this is, this is easily one of the best wrestlers in the state. I mean, not just for my weight class, for any weight class, he might be one of the best wrestlers in the southeast, and I was on the mat with him, and I did my best, and I and I felt like I had a respectable showing, you know? So that's another thing that you know. So these, these, these experiences that you have as a result of something that might have been negative, right? You're a chunky kid or whatever, that ends up being a source for me of and also that that experience gave me credibility with my teammates, that experience gave me credibility with my coach treated me differently after that, because he saw how hard I worked and how hard I tried, and he saw heart and courage that he might not have known was there. And so that's one of the ways that this thing that I thought was a curse. And it also told me, you know, it told me, hey, you've got a gear. And we all do, right? This is not just me personally, it's you've got a gear in there that you didn't know you had. You know that you might not you might

not win, you know, necessarily every match, but you can compete, you know. And I use that in my my life today. That's those same experiences, you know, because life can be hard, there can be challenges, professionally, personally, family, spiritually, emotionally, and if you have been through those kinds of challenges, and then you can take those lessons. You can take that those experiences, that confidence and. Say, Hey, if I can make it through that, I can make it through this. You know, I'll tell you example of how I how it affected my early in my career, I used to do a lot of criminal defense in addition to personal injury. And so I had this one case in particular. What that was, the guy was being charged some very, very serious offenses. There was a witness that was available on the other side of the state, but he was in jail. He would have been helpful to my client. So there's two ways you can approach this. One way is to go, Hey, I'm sorry. He's in jail. I can't get him here. The trial is going on. Judge is not going to move this date we're trying this case. The other way is to figure something out. So I try to figure something out. There was no figuring it out. He wasn't going to the trial started, and he was still in jail, and I could not get him there under the circumstances. I could not subpoena him there. So the trial goes, he gets out on day like three of this trial, and I'm in communication the whole time with the jail, and I calculate that if the trial gets out at five, I can go to the other side of the state, get him come back, take a shower, be back at the courthouse in time for the trial to commence at nine o'clock the next day. Most people probably wouldn't have done that. They would have said, you know, but because I have, but I think it's because I have been through these sort of challenges. A lot of them were, you know, physical and athletic in nature, you know, I'm like, I think back to this situation and when I was wrestling, and I'm like, I'm not gonna not do this thing just because it's hard. So the trial ends on, you know, Wednesday, at five or whatever. You know, the judge gives me permission. I run out of the courtroom. I go to my car. I've got my bag packed. I go and I start, and I'm like, three hours outside of town, I get a call that the the the jailer, the head jailer of the county where I was going to get this guy had was, had called us and said, Hey, he heard about what you're doing, and he's he's made arrangements to send the guy through. You don't have to do that. He's made arrangements to send the guy. They're going to transport. So they transported my guy to the courthouse where I was trying to case for the purposes of him being and he was a witness, and it worked out, and and all this, you know. But that's something that I might not have ever done. You know, that going, that you know, extra mile and not being boxed in by my perception of what the limitations were because of experiences like that and so, so. So I think that, again, that's why this thing that I thought was such a curse. And then there's another thing about it too, which is because of the things that I did and that sort of commitment to fitness during that period of time, it carried over. So I've worked out pretty consistently since I was 12 or 13 years old. There was a period of time in college where I kind of, you know, took some time off and didn't do much, and, and, and all that, but, but other than that little stretch, I've worked out consistently for 40 years, you know. And the reason that's been important for me is because No, no, no, weights always been a struggle for me. So my weight goes, I mean, you can look at videos from the podcast a year ago, and I was 25 pounds here, and I am now. So that's always been, and that may be all something I always struggle with, but at least I know that I have the I can do the things that I need to do to to address it, you know, and it's been a huge benefit for me, because it has improved. It has increased the longevity and the quality of my life, my family, we have. Some of us have heart disease, you know, cardiovascular issues. And in fact, I had a I had two stints put in three or four months ago, cardiovascular issues and but if I hadn't, you know, done all the physical things that I have done to try to address this fitness issue, this. Weight issue. You know, then my, you know, if I didn't have that, that issue that compelled me to work out all the time, to exercise all the time, to train all the time, and to be careful about what I'm eating, I probably would have, my cardiovascular issues would have progressed much further. And you think that cardiovascular issues are a weight. You think it's a Okay, heavy people are the ones. That's not true. I just got finished with cardiac rehab, and it was people of all different weights, right? People with all different weights were in cardio rehab. And so if I would have been thin as a kid, I might not have never done these things and spent the last 3040, years working out and training and exercising so that my cardiovascular issues would have been so much more progressed. My grandfather, who was not heavy at all, died at 62 of a heart attack, you know? So this is another example of how something that I thought was terrible, it was a curse. It was like, Why me? You know, I mean, it's kind of silly because it's completely within your control, but that's how I was looking at it. It has ended up being a blessing, because it has caused me to take the steps, to have opportunities, to have relationships, to have experiences, to drive confidence, to have have to learn things and to do things that are going to extend the duration and quality of my life.

If you could sum up maybe one or two big life lessons that you learned from this experience, what would those be?

I would say I um, I think it goes back to the original premise that something that's going on in your life that you think is negative may not actually be negative. It may be something positive. It depends on how you look at it and what you do about it and how you approach it going forward, it can be a platform for failure, excuse for failure, or a platform for success. I tell my kids that a lot, if something bad happens, if you don't get into the school that you want. I mean, kids think, think about that today, like, if you don't get into school you want, you think, Oh, my my life is over. No, it's not. That's ridiculous, you know, it's just, or if you, if you, you know, I talked to a young person yesterday, they got arrested for something, and they think, Oh, my life is up. No, it's not, you know, it's not over. It's not, it's not insurmountable, you know. You know, if you're dead, then it's over, you know? If you're not, there's an opportunity for you something good to come out of it, you know. So that's the biggest life lesson that I can think of that comes from this whole situation. The other thing is, is, is to draw support from the different places that you might have it available. Maybe it's from a podcast. Maybe it's from a friend, a teacher, a coach, a parent. It could be from a child, but, you know, we can draw, you know, for me, it's always been lots of people. That's been from my family, from my mom, my brother and my it's been for my friends. It's been from, you know, coaches and coworkers and colleagues and you know, sometimes adversaries, you know. So I think drawing lessons and examples and experiences from yourself and from what you see in other people is a critical component to success.

All right. Well, thank you, sure.

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