EP 4: Takeaways - Dealing with the Traumatic Loss Of A Child

Hi, and welcome back to catastrophic comeback. I want to talk to you for a few minutes about my three takeaways from my conversation with the Mawson's if you'll recall, the Mawson's lost and adult son, and in an accident, and they talked about what that was like, and how they dealt with it, and and what it meant to their family, and how they have tried to process it and recover from it. And the first thing that I thought was really interesting is that when they were building their family, when they were creating their, the environment within their family to develop, they, they were very intentional about the way that they did these things, they they intentionally wanted to be kind of the house where all the kids got together. So even when they selected the house where the family grew together, and where the kids grew up. It was sort of near where the kids would want to be, it was also sort of had some space. If you'll remember, the kitchen was designed in such a way where, where it was comfortable for guests. And for there was a small fridge in the corner, which would you have, you know, waters and cokes and drinks and that sort of thing. And the idea was, they thought about how they could build a place and an environment that would attract their kids and attract their kids friends. And that became important after tragedy, because even after they developed these relationships with their kids and with their kids friends, and even after this tragic set of circumstances developed, that wasn't the end of these relationships, these kids came back and still come back and maintain relationships with the siblings, and then also with parents, and I thought it was interesting that they, they did that. And they thought about it on the front end. And so I think we can all learn from that in terms of intentionality, and how we want to build our lives and build our relationships. The second thing that I thought was really interesting about my conversation with them is, you know, you could tell they were people who invested in their communities invested in other people, they took time to get to know, the other people, their neighbors, the other people in their community, their kids, their kids, friends, they they spent their lives investing in other people. I don't know if it came out or not. But if you knew CJ, if you knew Greg, they they, and I know them a little bit now, over the last few years, personally, they do reach out and they do connect with other people. And they do invest in the lives of other people and trying to make them better. What was interesting to me is that, under those circumstances when tragedy struck them, and they needed those other people, the community really rallied around them. And so you had lots and lots and lots of people trying to help and trying to find ways to help whether it was here, you can use my place here, you can use my equipment, my facilities, my, my vehicles here, you can, I'll help you, I'll help you, I'll bring you food, I'll bring you help, I'll bring you assistance. And I thought that was really interesting. And it shows just how important and impactful community can be. When we invest in it when people turn around and invest back in us. And I thought that was really interesting. The The other thing that I thought was interesting, the third thing that I thought was really interesting about what they've so many things, but the third thing that that really stood out to me was in their description of grief. And then because that's what something that I think can be beneficial to anybody who's going through this. And so, for example, so this past week, I had my two oldest kids went off to school for the first time and so and so all they're all they're doing is going to college, you know, so they were in the house every day and slept under the roof every night and we're close and we've done everything together since they were kids, you know, I mean they have normal social lives and all that but but uh, it was really hard for me to see them go to school. I know that's an end of an era and I know that's our lives will be different from instead of being the place where they sleep and put their heads every night that it'll be the place that come back to you for Christmas or Thanksgiving or maybe summer break and, and that was difficult to me. I could not help thinking during that weekend during this past weekend. Just how just To excruciating, this must be for the for CJ and for Greg. And for other people who have lost people they love. Not just they moved away to college, but they're just gone. You know. And so I thought about that continuously this past weekend, and how grateful was that that wasn't the case for me. But it struck me that hurt her description of grief. And that it was not linear. It's not a situation where every day you get a little bit better than the day before. That's what we would all think, right? When time heals all wounds what we've been told, and so the idea that if I can just make it till tomorrow, and then if I can just make it to the next day, and then if I can just make it to the next day, well, she describes a different process is consistent, it's consistent with some of the other people that we've talked to on the podcast, it is not a linear process, you might get better and then get better and then get better. And, and then the next day, be struck with it and can't get out of bed, you know. And, and, and it's not something that is necessarily predictable, and there is not a formula. But she did say that as time passes. You learn to appreciate the other things in your life, the other relationships that you have, and you learn to impress, appreciate the other people that you have. And you learn how to manage that grief. And you feel less guilty about smiling and laughing, and enjoying yourself. And so I think that brings us back to the same place. That it's an important it's important to find a way to give yourself the space that you need to have in order to be able to, to to accept the reality of the new situation, the new normal, and then give your space self the space that you need in order to make steps towards recovering. And then understand that it might be two steps forward, one step back, two steps forward, four steps back, two steps forward. But I think the important thing is that you continue to try to do the things that you need to do to have a good life and to enjoy the relationships and the people that you have around you. Thank you

Hi, and welcome back to catastrophic comeback. I want to talk to you for a few minutes about my three takeaways from my conversation with the Mawson's if you'll recall, the Mawson's lost and adult son, and in an accident, and they talked about what that was like, and how they dealt with it, and and what it meant to their family, and how they have tried to process it and recover from it. And the first thing that I thought was really interesting is that when they were building their family, when they were creating their, the environment within their family to develop, they, they were very intentional about the way that they did these things, they they intentionally wanted to be kind of the house where all the kids got together. So even when they selected the house where the family grew together, and where the kids grew up. It was sort of near where the kids would want to be, it was also sort of had some space. If you'll remember, the kitchen was designed in such a way where, where it was comfortable for guests. And for there was a small fridge in the corner, which would you have, you know, waters and cokes and drinks and that sort of thing. And the idea was, they thought about how they could build a place and an environment that would attract their kids and attract their kids friends. And that became important after tragedy, because even after they developed these relationships with their kids and with their kids friends, and even after this tragic set of circumstances developed, that wasn't the end of these relationships, these kids came back and still come back and maintain relationships with the siblings, and then also with parents, and I thought it was interesting that they, they did that. And they thought about it on the front end. And so I think we can all learn from that in terms of intentionality, and how we want to build our lives and build our relationships. The second thing that I thought was really interesting about my conversation with them is, you know, you could tell they were people who invested in their communities invested in other people, they took time to get to know, the other people, their neighbors, the other people in their community, their kids, their kids, friends, they they spent their lives investing in other people. I don't know if it came out or not. But if you knew CJ, if you knew Greg, they they, and I know them a little bit now, over the last few years, personally, they do reach out and they do connect with other people. And they do invest in the lives of other people and trying to make them better. What was interesting to me is that, under those circumstances when tragedy struck them, and they needed those other people, the community really rallied around them. And so you had lots and lots and lots of people trying to help and trying to find ways to help whether it was here, you can use my place here, you can use my equipment, my facilities, my, my vehicles here, you can, I'll help you, I'll help you, I'll bring you food, I'll bring you help, I'll bring you assistance. And I thought that was really interesting. And it shows just how important and impactful community can be. When we invest in it when people turn around and invest back in us. And I thought that was really interesting. The The other thing that I thought was interesting, the third thing that I thought was really interesting about what they've so many things, but the third thing that that really stood out to me was in their description of grief. And then because that's what something that I think can be beneficial to anybody who's going through this. And so, for example, so this past week, I had my two oldest kids went off to school for the first time and so and so all they're all they're doing is going to college, you know, so they were in the house every day and slept under the roof every night and we're close and we've done everything together since they were kids, you know, I mean they have normal social lives and all that but but uh, it was really hard for me to see them go to school. I know that's an end of an era and I know that's our lives will be different from instead of being the place where they sleep and put their heads every night that it'll be the place that come back to you for Christmas or Thanksgiving or maybe summer break and, and that was difficult to me. I could not help thinking during that weekend during this past weekend. Just how just To excruciating, this must be for the for CJ and for Greg. And for other people who have lost people they love. Not just they moved away to college, but they're just gone. You know. And so I thought about that continuously this past weekend, and how grateful was that that wasn't the case for me. But it struck me that hurt her description of grief. And that it was not linear. It's not a situation where every day you get a little bit better than the day before. That's what we would all think, right? When time heals all wounds what we've been told, and so the idea that if I can just make it till tomorrow, and then if I can just make it to the next day, and then if I can just make it to the next day, well, she describes a different process is consistent, it's consistent with some of the other people that we've talked to on the podcast, it is not a linear process, you might get better and then get better and then get better. And, and then the next day, be struck with it and can't get out of bed, you know. And, and, and it's not something that is necessarily predictable, and there is not a formula. But she did say that as time passes. You learn to appreciate the other things in your life, the other relationships that you have, and you learn to impress, appreciate the other people that you have. And you learn how to manage that grief. And you feel less guilty about smiling and laughing, and enjoying yourself. And so I think that brings us back to the same place. That it's an important it's important to find a way to give yourself the space that you need to have in order to be able to, to to accept the reality of the new situation, the new normal, and then give your space self the space that you need in order to make steps towards recovering. And then understand that it might be two steps forward, one step back, two steps forward, four steps back, two steps forward. But I think the important thing is that you continue to try to do the things that you need to do to have a good life and to enjoy the relationships and the people that you have around you. Thank you