Ep 82: Final Thoughts & Takeaways - 5 Failures From Success

I'm Clark speaks the catastrophic injury lawyer. Welcome to the verdict. This is five failures from success. My

name is Carson Grace Toomer, and I'm here with American injury lawyer. Clark speaks, all right, Mr. Speaks. We've gone over five events in your life that at the time you felt like were catastrophic failures, and you have now said that they kind of led to your success. What are your key takeaways? What is your parting message? Well, so the

first thing that that came to mind, because, in preparation for this, I was talking to, you know, my kids about it, and one of them says, hey, well, really, like the first failure that we talked about, like when I was a kid, my dad left when I was, like, nine, or whatever. And they were like, Hey, that really wasn't your failure, you know. And I was thinking about I was like, You know what? You're right that what, that really wasn't mine. I didn't do that. I knew, but I don't think that makes me unique. I think a lot of times people are negatively impacted, especially early in their life, when they have less control over what's going on around them and the course of their life, you know, when we're kids, but between birth and 18 or whatever, we don't have as much control over what happens to us as we do later in life. So I don't think that there's anything unusual about that, that this first thing, this first couple things, or whatever, are really, not necessarily my doing, but they are problems, and they are challenges and their failures, they just might not necessarily be our failures, but they we still have to deal with them, you know, like, whether it's abuse or poverty or, you know, Something else you know you may not have been responsible for creating this situation, but you have to deal with it, and you have to proceed, you know, and so and so. These things can always be excuses for failure or platforms for success. You know, if somebody grows up, I used to do a lot of criminal law, right? So I would, and sometimes I would come into contact with kids who had suffered like ridiculous, you know, unspeakable events, and some of them would go on to have Rich, Happy, purposeful, you know, full content, joyful lives. And some of them would just, you know, it would be, you know, it would just continue to spiral out of control with alcoholism, drug abuse, living on the street and all this kind of stuff. At some point in my career, I was, I did abuse cases, and you would see that sometimes abusers would turn around and become abuse ease. People who had been abused would come around and become abusers. And then you would see sometimes abused, people who had been abused would go on to, you know, protect people who maybe had been abused. And you're like, what is the psychological difference? What is the what would cause those different outcomes from very similar circumstances, you know, and so, so I think that that is the mindset that takes place, that these first failures don't necessarily have to be something that you did or you created, but you still have to do it, deal with it. And the idea, again, is these things that that happen in our lives are negative things, especially can can be platforms for excuses for failure or platforms for success, and it's a personal decision as to how each of these you want to approach each of these things. So that's the first thing. The second thing that comes to my mind when we were talking about these things is, and you and I, you and I talked about this before, you know, Ted lasso, you know, the series. So one of the things that he says in there is, be curious, right? This is one of the messages. The central message, you know, he talks about, he was driving his kid to school, and he sees a quote painted on the side of the building, be curious. And he thinks about it, and he thinks, you know, people have underestimated him his whole life. And people have kind of always thought that they knew everything about him just by seeing, you know, seeing him or whatever. And that's just not true, you know. And just the idea behind it is, you know, there's nothing worse than a know it all people who are overconfident, and people who think that they know everything, in my opinion, and and people who who just make all these assumptions based on limited information about who other people are, about their limitations, about, you know, and so. And so I see that on a regular basis, right? So I see so one of my core values is to learn, right? And so we'll talk about more about these core values. But so I always want to continue learning. So I. Know, I feel like I can learn from everybody on Earth, right? We're all good at something. I know just sure as I'm sitting here, there's stuff I could learn from you, there's stuff I can learn from Eli, stuff I can learn from anybody, and not so, I want to try to do that, you know? And so, um, so I go to these conferences on a regular basis. And at some point, I was probably going to 10 conferences in a year, and they're all like all over, you know, all over the country or world in some cases, you know. And the idea behind that is, you go there and you learn from other people. Some have some are doing the same thing as you. Maybe they're farther down the road. Some are doing the same thing you but maybe they're not as far down the road. Some are doing different things. But you can learn from all of them, you know, you can learn from there's something you can learn from the waiter, there's something you can learn from the owner, there's something you learn from the accountant, just if nervous, you go into a restaurant, you know? And so, so I remember going to this one conference in particular, and this is when I go to the conferences, you know, I go and I'm like, Hey, I paid my money to be here. I'm gonna sit in the front row, and I'm gonna ask every question that I can ask. I can ask, and if it annoys everybody around me, so be it. I want to find out what I need to know in order to be able to to improve and to learn. Well, so so there's a break in the convert, in the in the conference, and there's like 300 people at this maybe 400 people this conference. So I go out, you know, to get something to drink or whatever. And I'm coming back, and I stop and I see this, and I, if I see somebody, usually, I'll stop and talk to him for a few minutes and find a little bit about him and see what, you know. Hey, what can I learn from this person? And there's a guy out there who looks, I mean, he's become a little bit of a friend of mine, but he looks a little bit disheveled, right? He's wearing a t shirt everybody else is wearing, like, sort of more business casual stuff. It's like a faded Captain America t shirt and stuff and, and he's getting his coffee, and I start talking to him and stuff, and, and he starts asking me questions, right? I've been to these things for years. One thing that's for sure, if you get a bunch of lawyers in the group, not many of them ask questions. They all think they know everything, right? So he starts asking me questions, you know, like, where are you from? What do you do? You know, how many employees do you have? What you know? All these different questions, and, and, and I'm like, this is different, you know. So I'm talking to him for a few minutes, and then, based on my answers to the questions, he gives me some very specific feedback on what's going on in my world, and it's all accurate, 100% accurate. And I'm like, Okay, what's the deal? Who is this, right? So this is a guy who has runs a very, very successful law firm in Florida, who also has a coaching practice. He coaches other other lawyers, and also has a series of conferences himself. And he's just, he's just like me. He goes to all these different conferences, and he's since become like a, you know, a friend of mine and a mentor and all this kind of stuff. But anyway, so, so I just, meanwhile, during the course of our conversation, another guy comes up, who is, who this is probably his first or second conference, and who's very far back in the in the process of developing these, some of these skills and and all. And he immediately just starts telling us all about how to do everything, all of the things we're doing. And he and I both have that very similar approach to this, to this new person, right? Which is, okay, what can I learn from you? And so we just start asking quite but he never once asked either of us a question. And he could learn something from me, and he could learn a lot from this other guy. So anyway, I just thought that was that was interesting. And so as the idea that, you know, if we're curious and we ask questions, and we generally are interested in the responses, we can learn a lot, and then you can learn a lot from a lots, lots of different people and then, and it, but it, what it comes at, what it what it also sort of makes me think is, is like, Where does confidence and how do you resolve confidence versus self doubt, right? You know, because I'm confident guy, you know, to the end of the game I want the ball, like, if we're going to a it's one of the most difficult things to do as a trial lawyer, is to watch somebody else try a case. Because you're, like, sitting in your seat, you know, you're, you know, I would do it differently. I would stand here. I would say this, oh my gosh, you know, you know, you're kind of playing it through in your head, even movies. Sometimes you're doing this, if you're a lawyer, and a trial lawyer, especially, you have a confidence in what you're able to do to help somebody. But for me, and partly based on my own experiences of, you know, my my dad left when I was a kid, and we had to kind of, go to work, and we had to kind of, and because of that, it forced me to look in other directions, for mentorship, for leadership, for examples. You know my you know my mom was a big influence in my life. You know my aunts were big influences in my life. Other relatives, my uncles were big influences my life. My coaches, teachers, you know, they were big influences my life. Neighbors were influences in my life, and much more than they probably would ever know, you know, I mean, like, like, I mean, you're an athlete. You know how there's some coaches probably that you have that you're just like,

you'll be thinking about those lessons and those conversations when you're raising your kids and throughout the everything else you do in your life, when you're faced with challenges and stuff. Well, I'm the same way, you know. So, so when I look back at those experiences, I can't tell you how priceless I think those so if I could go back and make it so my dad wouldn't leave, you know, at the time, probably I would have, yeah, I want you to leave, but in reality, it's a blessing again, because it causes, it gives me the ability to learn from all these other different places, and it instills in me the idea of, you know, confidence, yes, but I can learn from somebody else, and maybe they knew more about it than I and let me let me see, let me ask, let me be curious. I think that's a hugely valuable piece of my at least my personal story. You know, another thing that comes up is, or that I think about, when I think about these sort of takeaways, is other people that I have known that have been through these adversities and through these failures. And I think about this kid, this young man who was on our podcast, catastrophic comeback Parker bird, who I think has an incredible story, and we can put in a link in the in this episode, or whatever, to his conversation. But there was two things in particular about him that struck me, if you'll remember Parker bird as a college baseball player who was in a boating accident and lost his leg and then ago went on very quickly to change his mindset from being a major league baseball player to being the first d1 division one athlete, college athlete, to play with a prosthetic leg, and he succeeded in that and and then he went to same school I did, and so. And then when he did get out and play in that game, everybody went crazy at the stadium. But then also all of us were on online, and all this, and Washington, it was like a big deal, so and so we had him on the podcast, and, uh, in two lessons in particular, uh, came from that conversation. This is another example of how you know, you can learn from people you know. So at that point, I kind of had this mapped out about what we're going to do, what we're going to say and all this, and what we're going to try to convey and share with people. He comes on here, and kind of changes some of that, because two lessons that I come from him, that I learned from him, especially, were, one was connecting the dots. He had had this terrible thing happen in his life. I mean, imagine you're, what, 18 years old, and you and you in a horrible you're you're thinking about playing college baseball freshman year going on to play in the in a great program, great coaches, great players, competitive. You know, every year, every year a threat for to be in the College World Series and all this and and you're thinking about all these things that you want to try to accomplish. Well, then in the course of an hour a day a week, all that changes, and you lose, you know, he got, he got, I think, he got hit in the arm and with a propeller, and lost, you know, leg, and then another leg. So he was very seriously injured. You know, he might throw. He had to go through the process of thinking, I might die, I might and then he they're gonna be able to save his leg. And then ultimately, they couldn't save his leg. So he had to, he had to process all that very, very quickly. But when we talked to him this, all these different events happened to him during this, during this experience, right? He just happened to meet this kid at baseball practice that was into boating and all this, and kept inviting them. And then they just happened to have a weekend where they had a weekend off, and then they were supposed to they went skiing or tubing or whatever, one day, and they were supposed to be done and go back. Well, then their plans fell through, and they tube the next day. And then there's like, four or five people on the boat, and then he happens to be one of the guys in the back. I mean, that goes back and tubes his first day, and then they have a good run, but instead of getting the boat, they have another run, and then somebody's goofing around, or the boat accidentally gets put into reverse and it goes back. So a pessimist is going to connect those dots and go, you know, God, why did you let this happen? How could you do this to me? Look all these things, if they had been just lined up a little bit differently, this never would have happened to me and be bitter and be angry and be frustrated, and then that would have taken his life in a downward spiral that would be very, very negative. He didn't do that at all. Instead, he goes back and he connects the dots in such a way as that are super positive, right? The same. And the fact pattern, he just connects it in a way that is positive. Look at this if it hadn't have been that one of the kids on the boat had lost a friend in a similar accident the year before, and so that kid knew exactly what to do. And then there was a the first boat that came to try to that to offer assistance, saw how badly he was injured, and said, I'm sorry, we got kids on the boat. We can't We can't help. This is, this is going to be scarring for them mentally. Those people probably couldn't help. The next boat that came had a nurse on it. The only reason they were coming back is because the couple on the boat had gotten in an argument. So and he that was a blessing, because that person was able to render medical care on the way back to the marina, and then his parents had a flat tire. But that's not what he looked at. He looked at he they just happened to go to this gas station. The gas station had one tire that would fit their car, and it was like just before five o'clock or whatever. So he connected all those the same facts. He just connected in a way that led him to be optimistic and faithful and think and look, could look at it and go, Hey, you know, look at how God was there for me, you know. And I think that's interesting. The other thing that I thought was interesting about my conversation with him was 1% better, the concept of 1% better all the time, this concept of self improvement, you know. And that comes from, from the the idea of, you know, if something you know happens and you have, you're in a place in your life, and you want to get to another place, then getting a little bit better and a little bit better and a little bit better every day. Just marginal improvements are, are important. I thought that was, that was, was interesting. Okay,

so what do you think is the key to kind of turning these events in your life that were negative into something that you can learn from, be curious about and eventually success?

So I think, I think part of it is mindset. Everybody is going to face adversity at some point in their lifetime. The strongest, richest, toughest people on Earth are going to be humbled over time. You know? I mean, we're all going to face challenges, some face them early, some face them late. We're all going to face multiple challenges. You don't know anybody who hasn't faced just unbelievable challenges. You know? You've we're all gonna die. You know what I mean? What bigger challenge is it? What bigger adversity is it than that? So to me, in the adversity that we face during the course of our life, it's not we can't always control that. Sometimes we can. We can make good decisions and avoid, you know, negative consequences to the best of our ability, but sometimes bad things happen to us, or it's the people we care about, you know. And so what's our you know? So it's our response to these things, rather than the things I think that define who we are. One of our core values, one of my so I have, I have, I talk about core values. And so we'll talk about that more in a series called The elevation Leadership Summit. But core values are what the things that you believe in, these fundamental things that you believe in and that kind of kind of make up who you are and govern your conduct and your decisions and the way that you do things and the way that you treat people. So one of my core values is this concept of overcoming adversity. And I have these, these core values that I have written down right there. So they're, they're like on my table right beside where I am all the time. They're on my wall. They're available to me at all times. Right? So the first part of this, this particular overcome adversity, is to when, when challenges arise, there's a process that we go through. And I've told my kids since they were little kids, this is what this is how we do this. Number one, we identify the problem, the challenge. What are the dimensions of the challenge, and then from there, we brainstorm. And in my, my opinion, we collaborate. That's kind of what I'm a big on collaboration. So I'll collaborate on with somebody, people I trust, people I know, people that might know something about the problem, and try to think through, okay, these are the different options that I might then I might alternative solutions that are my and then I'll pick one, you know, and I'll go, Hey, after I've collaborated and brainstormed and weighed these different solutions, I'll go, Okay, this is the one that I think suits best, fits best, and then I'll implement that thing. This is what I'm going to decide to do. I'm going to do this to the best of my ability, and then I'll evaluate and adjust if necessary. And so that's the process, you know. So that's so, it's a, you know, identify, collaborate, decide, implement, evaluate and adjust. And so, so I, I think that that is something that I learned to do over the course of these, of this, these, these, these failures with the, you know, my dad, and with some of these other difficult things that have happened in my life over time, my mom would always say, Hey, listen, I like the way that if. Something doesn't work out the way that you want to, you'll go to plan B. And I was like, Well, I hadn't really thought about it, but I see your point. And then so I've sort of formalized that and with with my core values, and I think that's important, and so I'll give you an example. So when my kids were growing up, we used, I used to coach them in sports, right? You know, I never played soccer, so, you know, but I, I can get away with coaching five to 10 year olds, right? You know what I mean, or and I played basketball, but not great, but I, you know, I can watch enough YouTube videos and go to clinics and talk collaborate with some of my friends and who are good at coach and then. And so I would coach, coach him. And so I remember I would towards the end of the year, at the end of the year, one time we had this group of nine year old girls, we had a lot good time. We had a lot of lot of success, a lot of fun. And we had lost in this championship game. My guys were just devastated, you know what I mean? And so I, I remember writing in this letter and talking to them about it, about, hey, you know what? Sometimes you know you're going to lose, you're going to face these challenges, you're going to face these obstacles, you know, but they're going to make you stronger, and they're going to make you and then, and then later on, when you get to where you're going to go in life, whether you're a doctor or a teacher or police officer or whatever, you know, you're going to think back about these obstacles that you overcame as a kid, and these challenges that you had even even these lessons that you learned playing basketball, and you're going to and you you know. So the thing that we talked about is, let's say you're a, you're a, you know, you're a physician, you're a doctor, and so, and there's a lot that's being asked from you right? You know, somebody comes in and they're and they're injured, they're somebody's kid comes in and they have cancer or whatever, and you got to figure out a way, you know, to deal with that problem. And so, the the advantage in having these experiences is that you can sort of be tough and be strong and be confident and take the position of, hey, you know what? This person is going to die someday? You know they're going to die someday, but, but not today. Today, they're on my table. Today, they're in my room. Today, I'm going to give this person back to their mother or their sister or their husband or whatever, you know and so. So I think that having that place in you, where you go, Okay, this is a challenge, or my feelings are hurt, or I'm not feeling strong or confident, and you just go, forget all that, you know, I'm going to be successful and do this thing and and this really came home to me, like this past week, you know, I mean, This past couple months or whatever, I'm out of town. I'm actually my family, and I are in Europe this past month, and it's a and I'm way far away from my office, and I don't I'm not getting cell phone coverage. I can just get internet coverage very sporadically, for some reason, and I'm having trouble communicating with my my office, you know, and so, and that always, that has never happened to me, and how 2030, years, however long it's been, you know, it's never happened to me, where I had that kind of trouble communicating with my office. And so I'm like, because I'm that far away, and because I'm not having communication with my office and with my clients, the way that I or my office about my clients, the way that I am accustomed to. It's just driving me absolutely crazy. And so I'm, like, really anxious about this whole thing, you know. And I'm like, you know, every chance I get, I'm ducking into these different, you know, coffee shops and stuff and trying to get on their internet and stuff. And sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't. And it should be this, you know, great experience, but it's, but it's instead, it's kind of like I'm really, you know, preoccupied with, with trying to and then, so the thing ends with me. The trip ends with us going to London, and then we go to see ACDC at a concert. And it's cool because AC DC was one of my is my favorite bands, you know, and even though they're 80 years old now, but, uh, you know, my kids know who that is they. We've listened to it like on the way to soccer practice, you know, when soccer tryouts or whatever, you know, I remember one time my wife is, like, trying to put together a playlist, and she had, like, you know, kind of soft rock. And I'm like, you know, let me try this for a minute, you know, and put on a CDC, and everybody's and by the end of it, by the time we get there, I'm ready to just run around on the field. But, you know, they seem mildly enthused. So, but so, so it's, it's always been a source of energy, you know. I mean, like, when you're working out. Or you're running, or you're training for something, and you, you have some music on or something, and you and that you, that you find personally energizing or and so, so I'm like, we're late to the concert, you know, and not, not because the tube, the subway was backed up, and not late before later than I wanted to get there still early for the concert, but I'm like, you know, kind of frustrated and preoccupied about what's going on back at the office. And I'm like, trying to figure out, you know, you know, some stuff. And and then the music comes on, they start playing. I see the guys, 80 years old or not, and it comes back to me. And then the anxiety or whatever goes away, the frustration goes away, and I'm like, forget all that, you know. And then I start feeling that same energy of when I was a kid, like, yeah, this. There's nothing about this. I'll be back, and I'll be able to take care of my clients. My guys are, my team is taking care of my clients. Nothing. I'm not going to let, I'm never going to let anything happen to my clients. So

I'm not concerned about any of the things that were going on in my head that were baseless and foundationless. We'll take care of those people, and I'm not going to let anything happen to them. And just that confidence and that energy that comes from that from that place, you know, from, from whatever source, and for me, that that is so that it's just that part of that mentality of if you've been through some challenges in your lifetime, some failures in your lifetime, and you've come out the other side, then that should give you confidence and a belief that, you know it doesn't matter. You know what life throws at me, what challenges arise. I have been through some stuff, and I can go through some stuff again. So these, so these failures or whatever, are really not weaknesses. They're battle scars that provide you strength with whatever you got to face in the future, so that, I think, is an important piece of this. Thanks for joining us. Don't forget to subscribe and follow us to stay up to date with our weekly episodes. We'll see you next time bye.

I'm Clark speaks the catastrophic injury lawyer. Welcome to the verdict. This is five failures from success. My

name is Carson Grace Toomer, and I'm here with American injury lawyer. Clark speaks, all right, Mr. Speaks. We've gone over five events in your life that at the time you felt like were catastrophic failures, and you have now said that they kind of led to your success. What are your key takeaways? What is your parting message? Well, so the

first thing that that came to mind, because, in preparation for this, I was talking to, you know, my kids about it, and one of them says, hey, well, really, like the first failure that we talked about, like when I was a kid, my dad left when I was, like, nine, or whatever. And they were like, Hey, that really wasn't your failure, you know. And I was thinking about I was like, You know what? You're right that what, that really wasn't mine. I didn't do that. I knew, but I don't think that makes me unique. I think a lot of times people are negatively impacted, especially early in their life, when they have less control over what's going on around them and the course of their life, you know, when we're kids, but between birth and 18 or whatever, we don't have as much control over what happens to us as we do later in life. So I don't think that there's anything unusual about that, that this first thing, this first couple things, or whatever, are really, not necessarily my doing, but they are problems, and they are challenges and their failures, they just might not necessarily be our failures, but they we still have to deal with them, you know, like, whether it's abuse or poverty or, you know, Something else you know you may not have been responsible for creating this situation, but you have to deal with it, and you have to proceed, you know, and so and so. These things can always be excuses for failure or platforms for success. You know, if somebody grows up, I used to do a lot of criminal law, right? So I would, and sometimes I would come into contact with kids who had suffered like ridiculous, you know, unspeakable events, and some of them would go on to have Rich, Happy, purposeful, you know, full content, joyful lives. And some of them would just, you know, it would be, you know, it would just continue to spiral out of control with alcoholism, drug abuse, living on the street and all this kind of stuff. At some point in my career, I was, I did abuse cases, and you would see that sometimes abusers would turn around and become abuse ease. People who had been abused would come around and become abusers. And then you would see sometimes abused, people who had been abused would go on to, you know, protect people who maybe had been abused. And you're like, what is the psychological difference? What is the what would cause those different outcomes from very similar circumstances, you know, and so, so I think that that is the mindset that takes place, that these first failures don't necessarily have to be something that you did or you created, but you still have to do it, deal with it. And the idea, again, is these things that that happen in our lives are negative things, especially can can be platforms for excuses for failure or platforms for success, and it's a personal decision as to how each of these you want to approach each of these things. So that's the first thing. The second thing that comes to my mind when we were talking about these things is, and you and I, you and I talked about this before, you know, Ted lasso, you know, the series. So one of the things that he says in there is, be curious, right? This is one of the messages. The central message, you know, he talks about, he was driving his kid to school, and he sees a quote painted on the side of the building, be curious. And he thinks about it, and he thinks, you know, people have underestimated him his whole life. And people have kind of always thought that they knew everything about him just by seeing, you know, seeing him or whatever. And that's just not true, you know. And just the idea behind it is, you know, there's nothing worse than a know it all people who are overconfident, and people who think that they know everything, in my opinion, and and people who who just make all these assumptions based on limited information about who other people are, about their limitations, about, you know, and so. And so I see that on a regular basis, right? So I see so one of my core values is to learn, right? And so we'll talk about more about these core values. But so I always want to continue learning. So I. Know, I feel like I can learn from everybody on Earth, right? We're all good at something. I know just sure as I'm sitting here, there's stuff I could learn from you, there's stuff I can learn from Eli, stuff I can learn from anybody, and not so, I want to try to do that, you know? And so, um, so I go to these conferences on a regular basis. And at some point, I was probably going to 10 conferences in a year, and they're all like all over, you know, all over the country or world in some cases, you know. And the idea behind that is, you go there and you learn from other people. Some have some are doing the same thing as you. Maybe they're farther down the road. Some are doing the same thing you but maybe they're not as far down the road. Some are doing different things. But you can learn from all of them, you know, you can learn from there's something you can learn from the waiter, there's something you can learn from the owner, there's something you learn from the accountant, just if nervous, you go into a restaurant, you know? And so, so I remember going to this one conference in particular, and this is when I go to the conferences, you know, I go and I'm like, Hey, I paid my money to be here. I'm gonna sit in the front row, and I'm gonna ask every question that I can ask. I can ask, and if it annoys everybody around me, so be it. I want to find out what I need to know in order to be able to to improve and to learn. Well, so so there's a break in the convert, in the in the conference, and there's like 300 people at this maybe 400 people this conference. So I go out, you know, to get something to drink or whatever. And I'm coming back, and I stop and I see this, and I, if I see somebody, usually, I'll stop and talk to him for a few minutes and find a little bit about him and see what, you know. Hey, what can I learn from this person? And there's a guy out there who looks, I mean, he's become a little bit of a friend of mine, but he looks a little bit disheveled, right? He's wearing a t shirt everybody else is wearing, like, sort of more business casual stuff. It's like a faded Captain America t shirt and stuff and, and he's getting his coffee, and I start talking to him and stuff, and, and he starts asking me questions, right? I've been to these things for years. One thing that's for sure, if you get a bunch of lawyers in the group, not many of them ask questions. They all think they know everything, right? So he starts asking me questions, you know, like, where are you from? What do you do? You know, how many employees do you have? What you know? All these different questions, and, and, and I'm like, this is different, you know. So I'm talking to him for a few minutes, and then, based on my answers to the questions, he gives me some very specific feedback on what's going on in my world, and it's all accurate, 100% accurate. And I'm like, Okay, what's the deal? Who is this, right? So this is a guy who has runs a very, very successful law firm in Florida, who also has a coaching practice. He coaches other other lawyers, and also has a series of conferences himself. And he's just, he's just like me. He goes to all these different conferences, and he's since become like a, you know, a friend of mine and a mentor and all this kind of stuff. But anyway, so, so I just, meanwhile, during the course of our conversation, another guy comes up, who is, who this is probably his first or second conference, and who's very far back in the in the process of developing these, some of these skills and and all. And he immediately just starts telling us all about how to do everything, all of the things we're doing. And he and I both have that very similar approach to this, to this new person, right? Which is, okay, what can I learn from you? And so we just start asking quite but he never once asked either of us a question. And he could learn something from me, and he could learn a lot from this other guy. So anyway, I just thought that was that was interesting. And so as the idea that, you know, if we're curious and we ask questions, and we generally are interested in the responses, we can learn a lot, and then you can learn a lot from a lots, lots of different people and then, and it, but it, what it comes at, what it what it also sort of makes me think is, is like, Where does confidence and how do you resolve confidence versus self doubt, right? You know, because I'm confident guy, you know, to the end of the game I want the ball, like, if we're going to a it's one of the most difficult things to do as a trial lawyer, is to watch somebody else try a case. Because you're, like, sitting in your seat, you know, you're, you know, I would do it differently. I would stand here. I would say this, oh my gosh, you know, you know, you're kind of playing it through in your head, even movies. Sometimes you're doing this, if you're a lawyer, and a trial lawyer, especially, you have a confidence in what you're able to do to help somebody. But for me, and partly based on my own experiences of, you know, my my dad left when I was a kid, and we had to kind of, go to work, and we had to kind of, and because of that, it forced me to look in other directions, for mentorship, for leadership, for examples. You know my you know my mom was a big influence in my life. You know my aunts were big influences in my life. Other relatives, my uncles were big influences my life. My coaches, teachers, you know, they were big influences my life. Neighbors were influences in my life, and much more than they probably would ever know, you know, I mean, like, like, I mean, you're an athlete. You know how there's some coaches probably that you have that you're just like,

you'll be thinking about those lessons and those conversations when you're raising your kids and throughout the everything else you do in your life, when you're faced with challenges and stuff. Well, I'm the same way, you know. So, so when I look back at those experiences, I can't tell you how priceless I think those so if I could go back and make it so my dad wouldn't leave, you know, at the time, probably I would have, yeah, I want you to leave, but in reality, it's a blessing again, because it causes, it gives me the ability to learn from all these other different places, and it instills in me the idea of, you know, confidence, yes, but I can learn from somebody else, and maybe they knew more about it than I and let me let me see, let me ask, let me be curious. I think that's a hugely valuable piece of my at least my personal story. You know, another thing that comes up is, or that I think about, when I think about these sort of takeaways, is other people that I have known that have been through these adversities and through these failures. And I think about this kid, this young man who was on our podcast, catastrophic comeback Parker bird, who I think has an incredible story, and we can put in a link in the in this episode, or whatever, to his conversation. But there was two things in particular about him that struck me, if you'll remember Parker bird as a college baseball player who was in a boating accident and lost his leg and then ago went on very quickly to change his mindset from being a major league baseball player to being the first d1 division one athlete, college athlete, to play with a prosthetic leg, and he succeeded in that and and then he went to same school I did, and so. And then when he did get out and play in that game, everybody went crazy at the stadium. But then also all of us were on online, and all this, and Washington, it was like a big deal, so and so we had him on the podcast, and, uh, in two lessons in particular, uh, came from that conversation. This is another example of how you know, you can learn from people you know. So at that point, I kind of had this mapped out about what we're going to do, what we're going to say and all this, and what we're going to try to convey and share with people. He comes on here, and kind of changes some of that, because two lessons that I come from him, that I learned from him, especially, were, one was connecting the dots. He had had this terrible thing happen in his life. I mean, imagine you're, what, 18 years old, and you and you in a horrible you're you're thinking about playing college baseball freshman year going on to play in the in a great program, great coaches, great players, competitive. You know, every year, every year a threat for to be in the College World Series and all this and and you're thinking about all these things that you want to try to accomplish. Well, then in the course of an hour a day a week, all that changes, and you lose, you know, he got, he got, I think, he got hit in the arm and with a propeller, and lost, you know, leg, and then another leg. So he was very seriously injured. You know, he might throw. He had to go through the process of thinking, I might die, I might and then he they're gonna be able to save his leg. And then ultimately, they couldn't save his leg. So he had to, he had to process all that very, very quickly. But when we talked to him this, all these different events happened to him during this, during this experience, right? He just happened to meet this kid at baseball practice that was into boating and all this, and kept inviting them. And then they just happened to have a weekend where they had a weekend off, and then they were supposed to they went skiing or tubing or whatever, one day, and they were supposed to be done and go back. Well, then their plans fell through, and they tube the next day. And then there's like, four or five people on the boat, and then he happens to be one of the guys in the back. I mean, that goes back and tubes his first day, and then they have a good run, but instead of getting the boat, they have another run, and then somebody's goofing around, or the boat accidentally gets put into reverse and it goes back. So a pessimist is going to connect those dots and go, you know, God, why did you let this happen? How could you do this to me? Look all these things, if they had been just lined up a little bit differently, this never would have happened to me and be bitter and be angry and be frustrated, and then that would have taken his life in a downward spiral that would be very, very negative. He didn't do that at all. Instead, he goes back and he connects the dots in such a way as that are super positive, right? The same. And the fact pattern, he just connects it in a way that is positive. Look at this if it hadn't have been that one of the kids on the boat had lost a friend in a similar accident the year before, and so that kid knew exactly what to do. And then there was a the first boat that came to try to that to offer assistance, saw how badly he was injured, and said, I'm sorry, we got kids on the boat. We can't We can't help. This is, this is going to be scarring for them mentally. Those people probably couldn't help. The next boat that came had a nurse on it. The only reason they were coming back is because the couple on the boat had gotten in an argument. So and he that was a blessing, because that person was able to render medical care on the way back to the marina, and then his parents had a flat tire. But that's not what he looked at. He looked at he they just happened to go to this gas station. The gas station had one tire that would fit their car, and it was like just before five o'clock or whatever. So he connected all those the same facts. He just connected in a way that led him to be optimistic and faithful and think and look, could look at it and go, Hey, you know, look at how God was there for me, you know. And I think that's interesting. The other thing that I thought was interesting about my conversation with him was 1% better, the concept of 1% better all the time, this concept of self improvement, you know. And that comes from, from the the idea of, you know, if something you know happens and you have, you're in a place in your life, and you want to get to another place, then getting a little bit better and a little bit better and a little bit better every day. Just marginal improvements are, are important. I thought that was, that was, was interesting. Okay,

so what do you think is the key to kind of turning these events in your life that were negative into something that you can learn from, be curious about and eventually success?

So I think, I think part of it is mindset. Everybody is going to face adversity at some point in their lifetime. The strongest, richest, toughest people on Earth are going to be humbled over time. You know? I mean, we're all going to face challenges, some face them early, some face them late. We're all going to face multiple challenges. You don't know anybody who hasn't faced just unbelievable challenges. You know? You've we're all gonna die. You know what I mean? What bigger challenge is it? What bigger adversity is it than that? So to me, in the adversity that we face during the course of our life, it's not we can't always control that. Sometimes we can. We can make good decisions and avoid, you know, negative consequences to the best of our ability, but sometimes bad things happen to us, or it's the people we care about, you know. And so what's our you know? So it's our response to these things, rather than the things I think that define who we are. One of our core values, one of my so I have, I have, I talk about core values. And so we'll talk about that more in a series called The elevation Leadership Summit. But core values are what the things that you believe in, these fundamental things that you believe in and that kind of kind of make up who you are and govern your conduct and your decisions and the way that you do things and the way that you treat people. So one of my core values is this concept of overcoming adversity. And I have these, these core values that I have written down right there. So they're, they're like on my table right beside where I am all the time. They're on my wall. They're available to me at all times. Right? So the first part of this, this particular overcome adversity, is to when, when challenges arise, there's a process that we go through. And I've told my kids since they were little kids, this is what this is how we do this. Number one, we identify the problem, the challenge. What are the dimensions of the challenge, and then from there, we brainstorm. And in my, my opinion, we collaborate. That's kind of what I'm a big on collaboration. So I'll collaborate on with somebody, people I trust, people I know, people that might know something about the problem, and try to think through, okay, these are the different options that I might then I might alternative solutions that are my and then I'll pick one, you know, and I'll go, Hey, after I've collaborated and brainstormed and weighed these different solutions, I'll go, Okay, this is the one that I think suits best, fits best, and then I'll implement that thing. This is what I'm going to decide to do. I'm going to do this to the best of my ability, and then I'll evaluate and adjust if necessary. And so that's the process, you know. So that's so, it's a, you know, identify, collaborate, decide, implement, evaluate and adjust. And so, so I, I think that that is something that I learned to do over the course of these, of this, these, these, these failures with the, you know, my dad, and with some of these other difficult things that have happened in my life over time, my mom would always say, Hey, listen, I like the way that if. Something doesn't work out the way that you want to, you'll go to plan B. And I was like, Well, I hadn't really thought about it, but I see your point. And then so I've sort of formalized that and with with my core values, and I think that's important, and so I'll give you an example. So when my kids were growing up, we used, I used to coach them in sports, right? You know, I never played soccer, so, you know, but I, I can get away with coaching five to 10 year olds, right? You know what I mean, or and I played basketball, but not great, but I, you know, I can watch enough YouTube videos and go to clinics and talk collaborate with some of my friends and who are good at coach and then. And so I would coach, coach him. And so I remember I would towards the end of the year, at the end of the year, one time we had this group of nine year old girls, we had a lot good time. We had a lot of lot of success, a lot of fun. And we had lost in this championship game. My guys were just devastated, you know what I mean? And so I, I remember writing in this letter and talking to them about it, about, hey, you know what? Sometimes you know you're going to lose, you're going to face these challenges, you're going to face these obstacles, you know, but they're going to make you stronger, and they're going to make you and then, and then later on, when you get to where you're going to go in life, whether you're a doctor or a teacher or police officer or whatever, you know, you're going to think back about these obstacles that you overcame as a kid, and these challenges that you had even even these lessons that you learned playing basketball, and you're going to and you you know. So the thing that we talked about is, let's say you're a, you're a, you know, you're a physician, you're a doctor, and so, and there's a lot that's being asked from you right? You know, somebody comes in and they're and they're injured, they're somebody's kid comes in and they have cancer or whatever, and you got to figure out a way, you know, to deal with that problem. And so, the the advantage in having these experiences is that you can sort of be tough and be strong and be confident and take the position of, hey, you know what? This person is going to die someday? You know they're going to die someday, but, but not today. Today, they're on my table. Today, they're in my room. Today, I'm going to give this person back to their mother or their sister or their husband or whatever, you know and so. So I think that having that place in you, where you go, Okay, this is a challenge, or my feelings are hurt, or I'm not feeling strong or confident, and you just go, forget all that, you know, I'm going to be successful and do this thing and and this really came home to me, like this past week, you know, I mean, This past couple months or whatever, I'm out of town. I'm actually my family, and I are in Europe this past month, and it's a and I'm way far away from my office, and I don't I'm not getting cell phone coverage. I can just get internet coverage very sporadically, for some reason, and I'm having trouble communicating with my my office, you know, and so, and that always, that has never happened to me, and how 2030, years, however long it's been, you know, it's never happened to me, where I had that kind of trouble communicating with my office. And so I'm like, because I'm that far away, and because I'm not having communication with my office and with my clients, the way that I or my office about my clients, the way that I am accustomed to. It's just driving me absolutely crazy. And so I'm, like, really anxious about this whole thing, you know. And I'm like, you know, every chance I get, I'm ducking into these different, you know, coffee shops and stuff and trying to get on their internet and stuff. And sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't. And it should be this, you know, great experience, but it's, but it's instead, it's kind of like I'm really, you know, preoccupied with, with trying to and then, so the thing ends with me. The trip ends with us going to London, and then we go to see ACDC at a concert. And it's cool because AC DC was one of my is my favorite bands, you know, and even though they're 80 years old now, but, uh, you know, my kids know who that is they. We've listened to it like on the way to soccer practice, you know, when soccer tryouts or whatever, you know, I remember one time my wife is, like, trying to put together a playlist, and she had, like, you know, kind of soft rock. And I'm like, you know, let me try this for a minute, you know, and put on a CDC, and everybody's and by the end of it, by the time we get there, I'm ready to just run around on the field. But, you know, they seem mildly enthused. So, but so, so it's, it's always been a source of energy, you know. I mean, like, when you're working out. Or you're running, or you're training for something, and you, you have some music on or something, and you and that you, that you find personally energizing or and so, so I'm like, we're late to the concert, you know, and not, not because the tube, the subway was backed up, and not late before later than I wanted to get there still early for the concert, but I'm like, you know, kind of frustrated and preoccupied about what's going on back at the office. And I'm like, trying to figure out, you know, you know, some stuff. And and then the music comes on, they start playing. I see the guys, 80 years old or not, and it comes back to me. And then the anxiety or whatever goes away, the frustration goes away, and I'm like, forget all that, you know. And then I start feeling that same energy of when I was a kid, like, yeah, this. There's nothing about this. I'll be back, and I'll be able to take care of my clients. My guys are, my team is taking care of my clients. Nothing. I'm not going to let, I'm never going to let anything happen to my clients. So

I'm not concerned about any of the things that were going on in my head that were baseless and foundationless. We'll take care of those people, and I'm not going to let anything happen to them. And just that confidence and that energy that comes from that from that place, you know, from, from whatever source, and for me, that that is so that it's just that part of that mentality of if you've been through some challenges in your lifetime, some failures in your lifetime, and you've come out the other side, then that should give you confidence and a belief that, you know it doesn't matter. You know what life throws at me, what challenges arise. I have been through some stuff, and I can go through some stuff again. So these, so these failures or whatever, are really not weaknesses. They're battle scars that provide you strength with whatever you got to face in the future, so that, I think, is an important piece of this. Thanks for joining us. Don't forget to subscribe and follow us to stay up to date with our weekly episodes. We'll see you next time bye.