Check Out Our Podcast: The Verdict
Today is part four of a series on the five failures from success that Clarke has experienced over the course of his life and our fourth unexpected blessing comes from the negative relationship his father had with alcohol growing up. Hosted by Carson Grace Toomer, Clarke reflects back on the struggles his father dealt with and how that impacted his childhood. What seemed like a failure when he was young turned out to be a blessing because it helped him go down that same path with alcohol and tobacco.
As a trial lawyer with years of experience, Clark discusses the challenges he faced in the courtroom, the pressures of high-stakes cases, and the importance of mentorship in his professional development.
Clark's journey is not just about legal victories; it's also about personal growth and the lessons learned from failure. He candidly shares his struggles with alcohol and stress management, revealing how these issues impacted his relationships with his family and his ability to perform at work. His decision to quit drinking and smoking opened the door to a healthier lifestyle, allowing him to build stronger connections with his wife and children.
Here’s what we discuss in this episode:
0:00 – Stories from Clarke’s early law days
8:08 – What drove him to stop drinking & smoking
20:59 – Life after he’s stopped
22:49 – The relationship with his father
28:31 – Other ways to cope with stress
Motivation, business, family, faith, law, overcoming challenges, childhood, confidence, self-esteem
Learn more about how Speaks Law Firm can help you: https://www.speakslaw.com/
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I'm Clark speaks the catastrophic injury lawyer, welcome to the verdict. This is five failures from success.
Hey, welcome back. My name is Carson Grace Toomer, and I'm here with American injury lawyer. Clark speaks now, Mr. Speaks. We've kind of, you know, again, gone through these failures. Can you tell me about the fourth failure that kind of is in your five failures from success? Sure, yeah,
the fourth failure for me is related to fun. And what I mean by that is, at this point in my life, this was 15 years ago, something like that, 1415, years ago. By now, I am, I'm a lawyer, which is what I wanted to do, right? That was what I set out to do, is to be a lawyer. I, not only am I lawyer, but I'm a trial lawyer. I try cases on a regular basis in state court and federal court, in district court and Superior Court, and all over North Carolina, I'm trying cases. I'm trying more and more and more difficult cases. I am, you know, you know when you get to a certain point and you know, you bigger cases become a bigger when you get better at in the world of criminal defense, you get more known cases, more serious cases. You start off with speeding tickets and DWIs and stealing and drug possession, and you go to drug distribution and drug conspiracy, and then murder and, you know, conspiracies and stuff. And it gets bigger and bigger and more serious and more serious sort of situations and, and I was well on my way to, I mean, and I was, I was had death penalty cases and all these kinds of things. So I was in the place with my my felt very good about my trial scale. In fact. I mean, it's hard for me to imagine how I could have done more in that period of time. A lot of my friends, for example, maybe went to another firm, and they'd spend a year, two years, three years, five years, doing research, you know, and I mean, I did research, but then I did research, and I put the research in a brief, and then I argued the pre brief to the judge, and then I argued the substance to the jury, and then I and then I, you know, won or lost, and then I went to the Court of Appeals. And by that time, I had argued in the court of appeals, I had argued, I had appeared in front of this state Supreme Court and argued. I remember, I had a good friend who worked at a big firm who could not get his head around the fact that I was arguing at such a young age in front of the Supreme Court. And one of my own cases, you know, I had argued and the Fourth Circuit Court of Appeals, I had submitted briefs and writs to the United States Supreme Court. You know, I had done a lot of the things because I started a firm when I got out of school, so there was no and also, I just didn't know any better than to litigate every single case as if it was the last case on Earth, you know. And so that's what we that's what I did. And so because of that, had this unbelievable experience, not to mention, I had these mentors, right? Because when you don't have a I didn't go work for a firm, so I didn't have any partner or whatever to go to and go, Hey, can you help me with this thing? So instead, like the very best lawyers in the state of North Carolina, became my mentors, whether they knew it or not. An old so a judge that I worked for was my mentor, and he pulled me aside when I was leaving his this is I worked for him when I was in law school. And I mean, I've mentioned this to you before, he pulled me aside and said, Hey, what do you want to do? And I said, I'm gonna start my own firm. And he says, Well, here's how you do it. And he told me how to how to approach it. He told me what furniture buy, how to set up my office. But he also told me this is how you treat people, you know, I mean, you treat every client like they're the most important client. And like I said before, that was our, our motto for 20 years, every client's our most important client. And I had a, you know, another judge, Judge rice, that was Judge Howard judge, Judge Charles Rice was a good friend of mine. He's died, but he used to spend I would come over and shoot the breeze with him at lunch, you know. And he would tell me these different life lessons and how to approach law and life and all this stuff. And he's such a such a good mentor. I got to watch these incredible lawyers try cases. I never forget. John Edwards was supposed to be trying a case we were in law school. John Edwards was trying his pool case in Raleigh, and my civil procedure teacher comes in this school that day and says, On Thursday, I'm not going to be taking attendance. And the reason is because there's something going on in Raleigh, and I think you should all be aware of there's a gifted trial lawyer who's going to be trying a case. In Riley, and if you want to go to that, then I will not be taking attendance. And it was this pool case. And John Edwards later ran for president and was a state senator, and he has had some challenges. People have some opinions about his behavior whatever, since whatever, but they can say what they want to that is a gifted trial lawyer. That is a, I mean, divinely gifted trial lawyer. I wanted to go see him now I had made a commitment that I would in my to my mind, based on my previous experiences, that would never miss class, so I did not go. Years later, he delivered that speech, that that same closing argument in a in a continuing education to a group of trial lawyers, you know, and I was able to purchase the recording of it, and I still, you know, watch every once in a while, because I think it's phenomenal. And I'm not to mention I employ many of the techniques that he used in that presentation, in that closing argument, you know, for example, it was a child who had been hurt in a in a case, and what he's trying to do is to just demonstrate to the jury How, why they have to give award this child a lot of money, because it doesn't make, you know, it doesn't make. It's not natural to give a child, you know, millions of dollars or whatever it seems like. It's like winning the lottery, right? And it's like, no, that's not what it is. And so one of the ways that he drives that point home is he says to the jury, think about when this child is 50, 6070, years old, the parents who you see here today, you know, doing all these different things to take care of this child, wiping her mouth, making sure she's comfortable in her chair, Whatever you know they're not going to be here. They're going to be gone. Who's going to be there for the child? Then you are. He's talking to the jury. You are during jury selection. I talked to you about this very issue, and I prepared you for this very point in time when the parents are gone and there's nobody else, you're going to take care of that child, and you're going to do it today. And I'm like, That is bad ass. And so, so I had developed this sort of trial practice based on these principles and these, you know, and I'd seen, you know, To Kill a Mockingbird, and I'd read the book, and I'd seen the play, you know. And I'm and I and I just, you know, and I love the story, you know what I mean. And I think there's few things that are more important than sticking up for individuals against powerful groups and powerful institutions, you know, and so and so. Now it's like, I'm 15 years into my career, or whatever, and I'm doing all those things, and in my opinion, I'm doing them well, you know what I mean? You know, I'm, I'll, I'm seeing, you know, a lot of my heroes, and I'm trying cases with them and near them and beside them and and we're coming to be sort of peers, instead of, like, you know what I mean, like, if you were to start playing, you know, I don't know football, and you see Tom Brady on the field, you got to be like, Oh my gosh, it's Tom Brady, you know what I mean. And then at some point, you know, you're like, you're kind of a contemporary, you're kind of a you're kind of a peer, you know, I mean, maybe you're not Tom Brady, but you're still, you're really good, and you're really competitive, and you really feel like you're fulfilling your purpose, you know, as best you can, and you feel good about it. Well, that's where I am in my career at this point in time. Well, so, and then in terms of my personal life. I'm married, I've got two kids. We have this phenomenal relationship. My wife and I are super close. My kids and I are very close. We're building, you know, we live in a great house and a great neighborhood, great views. We've got, you know, it's kind of, kind of, we're kind of, we're kind of doing the things that we wanted to do. My relationship with my kids is phenomenal. I like, you know, we we have dance parties on Saturday. They play every sport imaginable. They we have. We camp in the backyard. We dress up in Halloween costumes on a Tuesday, in July, you know, we have just, you know, and it's, and it's all exactly the kind of situation that I wanted to be, you know, and that was important to me, especially based on my upbringing, my background, where I came from, what was I perceived to be a splintered, fractured, broken family. So everything is going really, really, really well. Wow, and but my job is stressful at this point in time, like I've got a lot of stress, like I remember, you know,
part of the reason I wanted to do this series is because people only tell you about their successes. They never tell you about their failures. And I think these failures are important because, you know, my kids will see on social media that everybody else has all this stuff, and they go all these amazing places, and they have tons and tons of friends, and they never have a hair out of place or a pimple or a challenge or a problem or a setback. And it's just not true. It's not true like we all have these things so, so I remember I lose a case, and, you know, and my guy goes to prison for 22 years. When that happens as a federal case. I mean, they had overwhelming evidence and and all this. And when that happens, you know, if you care about your clients, you know, and I do, like, I mean, I still have clients in prison from those early days, and I still can remember, you know, in my head, you know, not all of them, but some of them like, Okay, this Guardian should be, you know, getting out now, or whatever. I saw a guy recently that I that went to prison when I represented him at a retail store, and he was doing awesome. It was good to see him, and we've sort of hugged and all this and but I mean, you know that having that responsibility is daunting and can wear on you over time. And so what I found myself doing is and I was in court every single day for every work day for 17 years, maybe 20 something like that. I don't know between 17 and 20 years. And so that was a, that's a pressure situation. What I found myself doing is, around five o'clock, I would be, I would be ready for a drink. I would be ready for an alcoholic drink, you know, and a cigarette, you know, and so. And also when I would go, when I would try cases again, I wanted to do the things that other people wouldn't do. So somebody else is going to prepare for a day. I want to prepare for a week. So what I would do before trials, I would go check into a hotel, and I would get all my because I could spread all my stuff out, you know, and I the hotel where I would stay, or usually would have, like, a, like a big kitchen table in it, and I'd spread all my stuff out, not by the time I was over with, I had stuff on the walls, you know, organized with charts and stuff and all this. And I'd check in there days earlier, and I would just, you know, work and drink and smoke and work and drinking smoke and really wouldn't leave, you know, very much, you know. And then, but then, when the trial came, I was ready to roll, you know. And so that whole lifestyle, what that started meaning is, you know, I was ready for a drink at 530 and then as then it got to be, I was ready for a drink at five. And then it was got to be busy. I was ready for a drink at four, and then I would have to wait till I got finished with court. But I started noticing. I noticed one time in particular. And so when my kids were little, I would put them to bed, and so, and that was we, you know, we had the best time, like I'd rather backs or whatever, and and we'd shoot the breeze and talk about our days and talk about what we wanted to do and didn't want to do, and what we're scared of, and monsters and, you know, under the bed and all this. And I told him about my technique, you know, I had, I did the kind of the monster snorkel technique, you know, like, in other words, when I was a kid, I imagined there was monsters under my bed. So I imagined if they couldn't see me, then I would be better off. So I was leave a little space on. I'd pull his covers up over my head, and I had a little space on the side so I could breathe to the side of the bed, you know. And they thought that was a good idea, and maybe they had a ditch slightly different. But like, we would talk about everything, right? We would make up these incredible stories about, you know, this is Jack Sparrow. Was a big deal. So my son loved to talk about Jack Sparrow. And we'd make up all these crazy Jack Sparrow adventures with the British Royal Navy. And my daughter and I would talk about all these other stories. And we had a series that we made up called it was all made up, but my mama, my llama, and me, and anyway, so they had this, all these stories that we would make up and talk about and think about, and they would incorporate sort of, you know, experiences and lessons and these kinds of things well. So one particular time, I remember my kids were young, and they were goofing off, right? They were they wouldn't go to bed, they wouldn't get in the bed. They were running around, you know, goofing around. And I got impatient with them, you know. And I'm like, just go to bed, right? And, and it was out of context. It was that a character, because we always kind of goof around like it wasn't hurting anybody. Was that was what we did, like, so they had to be like, What are you talking about? We always goof around. But I was, like, stressed about something at work, and I was like, you know, no, you know, go to bed now. And I kind of got annoyed with them. Right? Nothing terrible. It wasn't like I got arrested or I or I was super mean or something to somebody or whatever. It just I was impatient with them, and I sat down and I, you know, downstairs, and I'm smoking and I'm drinking or whatever, and I'm on the back porch, and I'm thinking to myself, and it starts coming back to me how my dad and we didn't get into this before, but my dad was an alcoholic and all this, and he was, he was, he could be abusive and stuff. So I was like, Am I turning into Am I turning into that guy? You know what I mean? And I start thinking about it, and then I start and I go upstairs, and I'm like, looking through the window, by now, they're asleep, and I'm look looking at them, and I'm like, you know, there's they're they're not perfect, but, but in my mind, and in this vision that I've got right here, that from this perspective, you know, they're sleeping, and they're got angelic faces or whatever. And I go sit down on the edge of the bed, and they're sleeping the same bed at this this, on this particular occasion, or whatever. And I reach down and Roger back, and one of them reaches up and hugs me, or whatever, completely forgetting that I had just been kind of a jerk, you know, maybe not forgetting about it, but just not bothered by it, not not or forgave me, or whatever. And so I'm like, I'm never going to drink alcohol again, and I have not had a sip of alcohol since then, couple months later, I quit smoking. So since then, you know, let's take this past week. So this past Sunday was Father's Day. We all hung out together. It was just us. We went to the beach, we went, we went surfing, we went, we hung out, we rode on the boat. We we had dinner, we made a meal together, like we have this great relationship. They they will probably work here in this operation. They are have been sort of trained for that their whole lives. We like each other. We generally enjoy being around each other. I've coached every sport that you can coach. I coach basketball soccer. I was a terrible basketball player. I was a terrible basketball soccer. I didn't even play soccer, but I but I learned about it because it was a chance for me to participate with my kids. I never missed a game. I never missed, you know, a dance recital. I never missed. You know, I didn't miss a lot of things, and it is and I have a great relationship with my wife. It's not perfect. We argue, but a lot of the people that I grew up drinking with, you know what I mean, that my from college and from after college and all that they have alcohol problems that affect them every day, in their relationships, in their businesses, in their in what they want to accomplish, in their in in the life they want to build. And I don't have any of that, and I see it constantly. I see it absolutely every day. And when you're when you're young, when you're your age, or whatever, it just doesn't see it seems like a fun thing, and it can be a fun thing. And I'm sure my wife will have a few drinks, you know, a couple of drinks at dinner, and she might not drink for six months, and she doesn't, this doesn't bother her. She doesn't, you know, and she might, but she never has more than a couple drinks, and she might do it twice in a week, and then not for eight months. You know, I wasn't made like that. I do, I do things, you know what? I mean, like, it, if like, when I do things, I am usually all in and that is good things and that is bad things. So me recognizing relatively early on that I did not want to be that guy. I do not want to be a guy who shows up at his like, I'm giving example. By late high school, I am. My dad has re come back in this he does not come back to our house, but he's come back to my town, and he's trying to reconnect his relationships with with our family. And by this time some so I'm wrestling, and I'm so it's a tournament towards the end of the year. This is an important tournament for me. So, you know, something that I'm very, very excited about, I've been working on, I've been my coach, and we've had, have plans, and we've got, there's some good wrestlers that are gonna be this tournament. And I, you know, I'm not nearly good enough to compete at a state championship level. It's some a lot of my teammates were, but for me, this is my Super Bowl.
So I I get to this, like, the little finals of this little tournament, whatever this little local tournament was, and so this is a big deal for me. Like, you know, I'm, you know, karate kid right in the side on the. Uh, not on the the mat. And my coaches, Mr. Miyagi, in this, in this situation, and we're have this plan that we've worked together to try to do this. And then in my other blue my dad shows up and and like, there's, I told you at my high school, wrestling was a little bit bigger deal because my coach made it a bigger deal. Turn the lights out. Spotlight in the middle of the mat. It's a, it's a, it's a exciting thing. So, and this is the, this is the final so it's kind of a, you know. And so my dad shows up and kind of appears out of nowhere, and he's wasted drunk, you know? And I'm like, Oh, my God, can you just give me a break and just get let me do this thing, and then we can deal with you later, you know. And so that's an example of the kind of stuff that I'm like. I don't want that for my guys, you know. I do not need that for my guys. I do not want to be that guy in my circle, you know, you know. And I see other people struggling with it in so many different ways, personally, professionally, with their relationships and businesses. And I decided that that wasn't the right thing for me. And also, when I drank, I smoked. So smoking me, you know, quitting drinking resulted ultimately in me quitting smoking. That in the fact that my wife was like, if you smoke around my kids, I'm gonna be, you know, you know you're gonna be in trouble. So I So, I so for those reasons, I quit both of those things. And so it's made me have a much better relationship with my family, you know, a much better relationship with my kids, with my wife. It's made me have be a much better lawyer, you know, because you got to think, how many of those times was I drinking and smoking, getting up for a trial and I felt like I had a headache or whatever the next day when I'm trying to even though I was very well prepared? Are you at your best under those circumstances when you're feeling the effects of drinking the night before? Maybe not, you know, it's helped me be a better boss and teammate and leader and business owner. It's helped me be more focused on what I need to do in the future in order to be able to accomplish the things that I want to accomplish and fulfill my mission, fulfill my purpose, which is to help injured people recover physically, financially, emotionally and so if I had kept on doing those things, I feel like I would not be where I am today in terms of the pursuit of those objectives. I don't even know if I would have identified those objectives, you know, because you have to spend so much time and energy doing the thing and then recovering from the thing. And so for me, it has been a huge blessing to get away from that lifestyle. Now,
how do you think that your you know your first setback, which is, you know the relationship with your father? How do you think that impacted your self awareness later down the road for this setback.
So again, it was, it is a huge blessing, right? Like, in other words, the experience that I have my dad and he would, you know, that was such a huge part of my kid. So initially, what I told you about was him leaving. It wasn't like it was good before he left. I mean, it was a disaster before he left. I mean, it was like a, you know, it was like a, you know, you know, two or three nights a week, it'd be some crazy drama, like out of a movie, you know, and so, so it was just like, not, not a good situation, and that was all fueled by his alcohol, his his alcohol consumption, and how it affected him. And also the professional and personal frustrations that led him to train. Can become frustrated and become angry and all that and so but me seeing that at the time, I remember thinking, you know, this is like, I couldn't have friends over, you know what I mean? Like, a lot of people have sleepovers. Well, you couldn't sleep over at my house, you know? And I couldn't really sleep over other people's houses, because I'd be worried about my mom, you know, I'd be worried that something bad would happen to my mom. So, like, it was a it affected a lot of things and so, and it does for like, you know, only kids that have this situation would necessarily recognize these things. But like, and also, a lot of times, they used to have these after school movies or whatever, about alcoholic or abusive parents or whatever, and then you you'd sit and be sitting there watching with your dad sometimes, and maybe it was on a night when he was drinking or wasn't drinking, and it would be like, so uncomfortable, because you'd be like, Huh? This is, this is ridiculous, right? You know? And meanwhile, everybody in the room knows about the elephant in the room, which is, this is a story about your life. So that was such a real and palpable problem for me growing up, you know, dealing with that and worrying about my mom's safety and in all this, you know, I don't want to seem like my dad was just the worst guy in the world. That's not true at all. He had some great quality. Holidays. He was very smart. He was so tough, like, I'll give an example how tough he was. Sons and and fathers sometimes will, especially in my household, would would, like, you know, have to be physical with one another. For example, if he was doing something I felt like was dangerous for my mom or whatever so but he was a big, strong, tough guy. I remember the only time I ever felt like I could take him. He was 82 years old. He was within hours of expiration, like he was within hours of his death, and he was hooked up to he'd have been up hooked up to a breathing machine for 30 days. I think, I think they only want you to be on them for two weeks, and I think you'd have been on there for a little bit over four weeks. And I remember thinking I could probably take this guy right now, you know, but I mean, that gives you an idea just how now, the last thing he said to me was, hey, I'm a lot better person than I used to be, and so and because he did have a good heart, he never I knew the whole time he was there, that anyone, even the time he wasn't there, that He loved us. He did love us. He loved us deeply, and he cared about us. He was a guy who had personal troubles and personal challenges. He was a guy who never his expectation for his life was here and his experience was here, and the difference caused him great frustration and great disappointment. And so because of that, that disappointment, when fueled with alcohol, manifested itself in negative ways, and it caused him to be frustrated, frustrated and angry and unpleasant to be around and sometimes dangerous to be around. And so because of that, you know, that gave me this sort of idea of who I wanted to be and who I did not want to be, you know, and how. And so, so that's so that. So when I felt myself get into a position of that alcohol that I consumed or wanted consumed might affected, might have affected the three or four people that I care about more than anybody in this world. I will not have that. And so maybe some people can drink and be fine. Maybe some people can drink and enjoy it and have a glass of wine and, you know, but I'm not taking that risk, you know, I'm not subjecting my I don't want my kids to feel embarrassed because I was, you know, acting like a fool or whatever, and or because I was sloppy, or I don't want my business to suffer. I don't want my clients to suffer. I don't want you know, like, in my opinion, life is challenging enough. Life is difficult enough without adding something else that might be a challenge or might make it harder. And for me, that's what it was. Not for everybody you know, but for me, that's what it was. And so I knew that I had to because of, I mean, that's another blessing about the whole thing, because of my experience with him as a child, and you combine that with what I was seeing as an adult, I knew that I cannot do that and do the things that I want to do, and have the life that I want to have, and have the legacy that I want to have. So I'm going to eliminate it and eliminate it now, if it wasn't for that thing again, that I thought was a curse in the beginning, I wouldn't have the blessing that I have now, which is this everything I ever wanted out of my personal, professional and family life. What other
ways have you found to cope with stress, or, you know, work stress, and has that been an enjoyable, valuable experience for you?
Well, that's a good question. Yeah. So, so how I cope with stress now is in much more positive ways. So if I have a particular stressful situation and I still do, one thing that I'll do is I'll I will get to a private place, and I will be big. I will stretch and be big, because I think that makes me powerful. I will breathe deeply in and out, because I think that makes me strong. I will pray because I think that makes me connected. And I will think about the things that I'm grateful for, because I think that gives me perspective. You know, so and gratitude is, to me, one of the most underutilized tools. All those things are good management tools, right? I mean stress management tools, but gratitude is among the best. And I'll tell you more about this in the next piece of this. But just just the idea of gratitude under difficult circle. And I've learned this from like many of my clients right, who go through these unbelievable situations, and then they talk about the gratitude they have for their medical teams, for their families, for you know, their therapists, for their doctors, for their. Or, you know, children, their wives, or whatever you know, what I mean, friends, pets, you know, and they're just so grateful for the connections and the relationships they have, for God, you know, for all these things that it is so that gratitude is a huge piece of this. The other thing that I have found to be helpful for me personally, is working out. You know, that's just taking different forms. For years, I swam on a daily basis. For years, I ran on a bid daily basis. For years, I worked out in a gym on a daily basis. I work out now I work out with a trainer on a regular basis. On days I don't work out my trainer. I go for these long walks of my dog. You know, those are that physical exertion, that working out, that that exercise, to me, is therapeutic. The first benefit of all of it is it helps clear your mind. It helps put your thoughts in perspective. Man, I have come up with some of the best ideas from, from just getting on my bike and putting in the wind for an hour, as hard as I can go, and I get back and I'm like, boom, I know what I got to do, you know? I mean, this series is a product of work, of working out and walks with my dog, who is a fantastic listener, you know. And, and now, is this series gonna win a Pulitzer Prize, you know? I don't know, but if it helps somebody, then I'm happy, because that's what it was supposed to do. And so, yeah, so these different things that we do to you can manage stress, I think, in positive ways, rather than masks. Mask stress in negative ways. Now
it sounds like not only did you, you know, giving up alcohol get you out of a negative habit, but you've then replaced it with a, you know, positive habit. And how, how are, how is those positive habits, you know, impacted you and your relationships with your family, and then even so your business.
So, yeah, that's interesting. So the one of the things it's funny, I talked to the ACE Carolina baseball player about this the other day, is he was on the podcast. He was talking about getting a little bit better every day, you know. And then I look back at our core values, and that's one of our core values. It's one of my personal core values, but it's also one of our firm core values, is to get a little bit better, is to make improvements. And so I think that's that's a critical component to intentional living and to building the life that you want to build rather than residing in the life that you currently experience. As to is to try to be better. And the way that you can do that a lot of times is by replacing bad habits with good habits. And so whereas before I drink, I mean, and I had these favorite bars, right? And, man, there are some great bars like and so I went to school in Greenville. Man, they had some good bars in Greenville, Chico's, Grogs. Grog was my favorite bar. My buddy worked at Grogs, and it was like a old school drinking bar, kind of like a small cheers kind of thing. You know, same crowd in there. Oh, it's good, you know, Corrigan's elbow after radical attic rafters, you know, all these two step anyway, there's all these great bars in Greenville. Anyway, I'll leave and I go to school. And I didn't really do any of that for a while because I was so focused on law school and and then. But, you know, you get to get to, you know, wherever you're going to set up shop or whatever. And you can always find these great bars. And there's in there, and then the people there are great too, you know, you get to know the people that work there and the people that hang out there. And then there's new people that come, you know, there's, you know, Toby Q song. I love this bar. And then also, you know, so I then I have a family, and then I have, and I used to really enjoy being on my back porch, you know, as a beautiful view. You look out the back of the water and it's just goes on forever. It was a great place to just reflect and think about stuff and just relax and all. I loved it so much. But anyway, then and then, then later in time, I when I when I just decided I wasn't going to drink again. I did not drink again. So then what I did was I started working out, and, or I'd always kind of worked out, but I really increased the parts of working out. And so what I found was, now I love this gym, like I like the people. I like the guys that work there, you know, like the you got the guys on the equipment next to me, or whatever, like the process, you know, you know, being a 5k or, you know, what, or whatever, you know. And I was never the guy that is going to wake up at five o'clock and run a 5k on Christmas morning or whatever. That's not my bag. But there's, you know, I. Got to the point where I really enjoyed it, and what I found is, if I can do it three days in a row, I can do it four. You know, if I can do it three weeks in a row, I can do it four. If I can do that three months in a row, I can do it four. If I can do that three years in a row, I can do it four. If I can do that three decades in a row, I can do it four. And so that has been, you know. And so sometimes you have to psych yourself up to, I mean, you probably know this from your athletic career and playing sports in college and stuff, but you don't always feel like maybe it's raining and maybe you're, you know, you've got a headache or you don't, you know. But my experience is, all you gotta do is put on your shoes. You put on your shoes. All you gotta do is get in the car. You in the car. All you gotta do is get to the gym, you know, or go outside or whatever. And then, if I'm taking a walk with my dog, all I gotta do is get out her leash, you know. And if you just do that part, you don't have to commit to, I'm going to go to the gym and work out for an hour. I'm going to do legs or or back or or arms today. All you have to do is say I'm going to get in the car, you know, I'm going to set foot in the gym, and then once you get there, you're doing your thing, you know? But there's, there's so much value in making that commitment and taking that first step. And I think that's a metaphor for a lot of things, but I think that replacing those bad habits, and I have a sort of a kind of a compulsive personality, if that's not obvious, so that whereas somebody else might do one episode of a podcast. We do 1000 you know, somebody else might, you know, work out a little bit. I worked out a lot. You know, somebody else might take this approach to building a case for a client, an injured person. I'm going to take this approach to do it, you know, and so. So most of the time, that serves you well, unless you're into negative habits, if you're into positive habits, it's great, you know. It's great. You know, we want to, you know, you're doing things that are that are positive and beneficial and will have a positive impact on your community, on people around you, and your family and your clients. That's great, you know. So if I can substitute positive hobbies and habits and activities for negative ones, then that's good. And as I've gotten older, I've done that more and more and more and more. Oh, thank you. Mr. Speaks, sure. Thank you. Thanks for joining us. Don't forget to subscribe and follow us to stay up to date with our weekly episodes. We'll see you next time you.
I'm Clark speaks the catastrophic injury lawyer, welcome to the verdict. This is five failures from success.
Hey, welcome back. My name is Carson Grace Toomer, and I'm here with American injury lawyer. Clark speaks now, Mr. Speaks. We've kind of, you know, again, gone through these failures. Can you tell me about the fourth failure that kind of is in your five failures from success? Sure, yeah,
the fourth failure for me is related to fun. And what I mean by that is, at this point in my life, this was 15 years ago, something like that, 1415, years ago. By now, I am, I'm a lawyer, which is what I wanted to do, right? That was what I set out to do, is to be a lawyer. I, not only am I lawyer, but I'm a trial lawyer. I try cases on a regular basis in state court and federal court, in district court and Superior Court, and all over North Carolina, I'm trying cases. I'm trying more and more and more difficult cases. I am, you know, you know when you get to a certain point and you know, you bigger cases become a bigger when you get better at in the world of criminal defense, you get more known cases, more serious cases. You start off with speeding tickets and DWIs and stealing and drug possession, and you go to drug distribution and drug conspiracy, and then murder and, you know, conspiracies and stuff. And it gets bigger and bigger and more serious and more serious sort of situations and, and I was well on my way to, I mean, and I was, I was had death penalty cases and all these kinds of things. So I was in the place with my my felt very good about my trial scale. In fact. I mean, it's hard for me to imagine how I could have done more in that period of time. A lot of my friends, for example, maybe went to another firm, and they'd spend a year, two years, three years, five years, doing research, you know, and I mean, I did research, but then I did research, and I put the research in a brief, and then I argued the pre brief to the judge, and then I argued the substance to the jury, and then I and then I, you know, won or lost, and then I went to the Court of Appeals. And by that time, I had argued in the court of appeals, I had argued, I had appeared in front of this state Supreme Court and argued. I remember, I had a good friend who worked at a big firm who could not get his head around the fact that I was arguing at such a young age in front of the Supreme Court. And one of my own cases, you know, I had argued and the Fourth Circuit Court of Appeals, I had submitted briefs and writs to the United States Supreme Court. You know, I had done a lot of the things because I started a firm when I got out of school, so there was no and also, I just didn't know any better than to litigate every single case as if it was the last case on Earth, you know. And so that's what we that's what I did. And so because of that, had this unbelievable experience, not to mention, I had these mentors, right? Because when you don't have a I didn't go work for a firm, so I didn't have any partner or whatever to go to and go, Hey, can you help me with this thing? So instead, like the very best lawyers in the state of North Carolina, became my mentors, whether they knew it or not. An old so a judge that I worked for was my mentor, and he pulled me aside when I was leaving his this is I worked for him when I was in law school. And I mean, I've mentioned this to you before, he pulled me aside and said, Hey, what do you want to do? And I said, I'm gonna start my own firm. And he says, Well, here's how you do it. And he told me how to how to approach it. He told me what furniture buy, how to set up my office. But he also told me this is how you treat people, you know, I mean, you treat every client like they're the most important client. And like I said before, that was our, our motto for 20 years, every client's our most important client. And I had a, you know, another judge, Judge rice, that was Judge Howard judge, Judge Charles Rice was a good friend of mine. He's died, but he used to spend I would come over and shoot the breeze with him at lunch, you know. And he would tell me these different life lessons and how to approach law and life and all this stuff. And he's such a such a good mentor. I got to watch these incredible lawyers try cases. I never forget. John Edwards was supposed to be trying a case we were in law school. John Edwards was trying his pool case in Raleigh, and my civil procedure teacher comes in this school that day and says, On Thursday, I'm not going to be taking attendance. And the reason is because there's something going on in Raleigh, and I think you should all be aware of there's a gifted trial lawyer who's going to be trying a case. In Riley, and if you want to go to that, then I will not be taking attendance. And it was this pool case. And John Edwards later ran for president and was a state senator, and he has had some challenges. People have some opinions about his behavior whatever, since whatever, but they can say what they want to that is a gifted trial lawyer. That is a, I mean, divinely gifted trial lawyer. I wanted to go see him now I had made a commitment that I would in my to my mind, based on my previous experiences, that would never miss class, so I did not go. Years later, he delivered that speech, that that same closing argument in a in a continuing education to a group of trial lawyers, you know, and I was able to purchase the recording of it, and I still, you know, watch every once in a while, because I think it's phenomenal. And I'm not to mention I employ many of the techniques that he used in that presentation, in that closing argument, you know, for example, it was a child who had been hurt in a in a case, and what he's trying to do is to just demonstrate to the jury How, why they have to give award this child a lot of money, because it doesn't make, you know, it doesn't make. It's not natural to give a child, you know, millions of dollars or whatever it seems like. It's like winning the lottery, right? And it's like, no, that's not what it is. And so one of the ways that he drives that point home is he says to the jury, think about when this child is 50, 6070, years old, the parents who you see here today, you know, doing all these different things to take care of this child, wiping her mouth, making sure she's comfortable in her chair, Whatever you know they're not going to be here. They're going to be gone. Who's going to be there for the child? Then you are. He's talking to the jury. You are during jury selection. I talked to you about this very issue, and I prepared you for this very point in time when the parents are gone and there's nobody else, you're going to take care of that child, and you're going to do it today. And I'm like, That is bad ass. And so, so I had developed this sort of trial practice based on these principles and these, you know, and I'd seen, you know, To Kill a Mockingbird, and I'd read the book, and I'd seen the play, you know. And I'm and I and I just, you know, and I love the story, you know what I mean. And I think there's few things that are more important than sticking up for individuals against powerful groups and powerful institutions, you know, and so and so. Now it's like, I'm 15 years into my career, or whatever, and I'm doing all those things, and in my opinion, I'm doing them well, you know what I mean? You know, I'm, I'll, I'm seeing, you know, a lot of my heroes, and I'm trying cases with them and near them and beside them and and we're coming to be sort of peers, instead of, like, you know what I mean, like, if you were to start playing, you know, I don't know football, and you see Tom Brady on the field, you got to be like, Oh my gosh, it's Tom Brady, you know what I mean. And then at some point, you know, you're like, you're kind of a contemporary, you're kind of a you're kind of a peer, you know, I mean, maybe you're not Tom Brady, but you're still, you're really good, and you're really competitive, and you really feel like you're fulfilling your purpose, you know, as best you can, and you feel good about it. Well, that's where I am in my career at this point in time. Well, so, and then in terms of my personal life. I'm married, I've got two kids. We have this phenomenal relationship. My wife and I are super close. My kids and I are very close. We're building, you know, we live in a great house and a great neighborhood, great views. We've got, you know, it's kind of, kind of, we're kind of, we're kind of doing the things that we wanted to do. My relationship with my kids is phenomenal. I like, you know, we we have dance parties on Saturday. They play every sport imaginable. They we have. We camp in the backyard. We dress up in Halloween costumes on a Tuesday, in July, you know, we have just, you know, and it's, and it's all exactly the kind of situation that I wanted to be, you know, and that was important to me, especially based on my upbringing, my background, where I came from, what was I perceived to be a splintered, fractured, broken family. So everything is going really, really, really well. Wow, and but my job is stressful at this point in time, like I've got a lot of stress, like I remember, you know,
part of the reason I wanted to do this series is because people only tell you about their successes. They never tell you about their failures. And I think these failures are important because, you know, my kids will see on social media that everybody else has all this stuff, and they go all these amazing places, and they have tons and tons of friends, and they never have a hair out of place or a pimple or a challenge or a problem or a setback. And it's just not true. It's not true like we all have these things so, so I remember I lose a case, and, you know, and my guy goes to prison for 22 years. When that happens as a federal case. I mean, they had overwhelming evidence and and all this. And when that happens, you know, if you care about your clients, you know, and I do, like, I mean, I still have clients in prison from those early days, and I still can remember, you know, in my head, you know, not all of them, but some of them like, Okay, this Guardian should be, you know, getting out now, or whatever. I saw a guy recently that I that went to prison when I represented him at a retail store, and he was doing awesome. It was good to see him, and we've sort of hugged and all this and but I mean, you know that having that responsibility is daunting and can wear on you over time. And so what I found myself doing is and I was in court every single day for every work day for 17 years, maybe 20 something like that. I don't know between 17 and 20 years. And so that was a, that's a pressure situation. What I found myself doing is, around five o'clock, I would be, I would be ready for a drink. I would be ready for an alcoholic drink, you know, and a cigarette, you know, and so. And also when I would go, when I would try cases again, I wanted to do the things that other people wouldn't do. So somebody else is going to prepare for a day. I want to prepare for a week. So what I would do before trials, I would go check into a hotel, and I would get all my because I could spread all my stuff out, you know, and I the hotel where I would stay, or usually would have, like, a, like a big kitchen table in it, and I'd spread all my stuff out, not by the time I was over with, I had stuff on the walls, you know, organized with charts and stuff and all this. And I'd check in there days earlier, and I would just, you know, work and drink and smoke and work and drinking smoke and really wouldn't leave, you know, very much, you know. And then, but then, when the trial came, I was ready to roll, you know. And so that whole lifestyle, what that started meaning is, you know, I was ready for a drink at 530 and then as then it got to be, I was ready for a drink at five. And then it was got to be busy. I was ready for a drink at four, and then I would have to wait till I got finished with court. But I started noticing. I noticed one time in particular. And so when my kids were little, I would put them to bed, and so, and that was we, you know, we had the best time, like I'd rather backs or whatever, and and we'd shoot the breeze and talk about our days and talk about what we wanted to do and didn't want to do, and what we're scared of, and monsters and, you know, under the bed and all this. And I told him about my technique, you know, I had, I did the kind of the monster snorkel technique, you know, like, in other words, when I was a kid, I imagined there was monsters under my bed. So I imagined if they couldn't see me, then I would be better off. So I was leave a little space on. I'd pull his covers up over my head, and I had a little space on the side so I could breathe to the side of the bed, you know. And they thought that was a good idea, and maybe they had a ditch slightly different. But like, we would talk about everything, right? We would make up these incredible stories about, you know, this is Jack Sparrow. Was a big deal. So my son loved to talk about Jack Sparrow. And we'd make up all these crazy Jack Sparrow adventures with the British Royal Navy. And my daughter and I would talk about all these other stories. And we had a series that we made up called it was all made up, but my mama, my llama, and me, and anyway, so they had this, all these stories that we would make up and talk about and think about, and they would incorporate sort of, you know, experiences and lessons and these kinds of things well. So one particular time, I remember my kids were young, and they were goofing off, right? They were they wouldn't go to bed, they wouldn't get in the bed. They were running around, you know, goofing around. And I got impatient with them, you know. And I'm like, just go to bed, right? And, and it was out of context. It was that a character, because we always kind of goof around like it wasn't hurting anybody. Was that was what we did, like, so they had to be like, What are you talking about? We always goof around. But I was, like, stressed about something at work, and I was like, you know, no, you know, go to bed now. And I kind of got annoyed with them. Right? Nothing terrible. It wasn't like I got arrested or I or I was super mean or something to somebody or whatever. It just I was impatient with them, and I sat down and I, you know, downstairs, and I'm smoking and I'm drinking or whatever, and I'm on the back porch, and I'm thinking to myself, and it starts coming back to me how my dad and we didn't get into this before, but my dad was an alcoholic and all this, and he was, he was, he could be abusive and stuff. So I was like, Am I turning into Am I turning into that guy? You know what I mean? And I start thinking about it, and then I start and I go upstairs, and I'm like, looking through the window, by now, they're asleep, and I'm look looking at them, and I'm like, you know, there's they're they're not perfect, but, but in my mind, and in this vision that I've got right here, that from this perspective, you know, they're sleeping, and they're got angelic faces or whatever. And I go sit down on the edge of the bed, and they're sleeping the same bed at this this, on this particular occasion, or whatever. And I reach down and Roger back, and one of them reaches up and hugs me, or whatever, completely forgetting that I had just been kind of a jerk, you know, maybe not forgetting about it, but just not bothered by it, not not or forgave me, or whatever. And so I'm like, I'm never going to drink alcohol again, and I have not had a sip of alcohol since then, couple months later, I quit smoking. So since then, you know, let's take this past week. So this past Sunday was Father's Day. We all hung out together. It was just us. We went to the beach, we went, we went surfing, we went, we hung out, we rode on the boat. We we had dinner, we made a meal together, like we have this great relationship. They they will probably work here in this operation. They are have been sort of trained for that their whole lives. We like each other. We generally enjoy being around each other. I've coached every sport that you can coach. I coach basketball soccer. I was a terrible basketball player. I was a terrible basketball soccer. I didn't even play soccer, but I but I learned about it because it was a chance for me to participate with my kids. I never missed a game. I never missed, you know, a dance recital. I never missed. You know, I didn't miss a lot of things, and it is and I have a great relationship with my wife. It's not perfect. We argue, but a lot of the people that I grew up drinking with, you know what I mean, that my from college and from after college and all that they have alcohol problems that affect them every day, in their relationships, in their businesses, in their in what they want to accomplish, in their in in the life they want to build. And I don't have any of that, and I see it constantly. I see it absolutely every day. And when you're when you're young, when you're your age, or whatever, it just doesn't see it seems like a fun thing, and it can be a fun thing. And I'm sure my wife will have a few drinks, you know, a couple of drinks at dinner, and she might not drink for six months, and she doesn't, this doesn't bother her. She doesn't, you know, and she might, but she never has more than a couple drinks, and she might do it twice in a week, and then not for eight months. You know, I wasn't made like that. I do, I do things, you know what? I mean, like, it, if like, when I do things, I am usually all in and that is good things and that is bad things. So me recognizing relatively early on that I did not want to be that guy. I do not want to be a guy who shows up at his like, I'm giving example. By late high school, I am. My dad has re come back in this he does not come back to our house, but he's come back to my town, and he's trying to reconnect his relationships with with our family. And by this time some so I'm wrestling, and I'm so it's a tournament towards the end of the year. This is an important tournament for me. So, you know, something that I'm very, very excited about, I've been working on, I've been my coach, and we've had, have plans, and we've got, there's some good wrestlers that are gonna be this tournament. And I, you know, I'm not nearly good enough to compete at a state championship level. It's some a lot of my teammates were, but for me, this is my Super Bowl.
So I I get to this, like, the little finals of this little tournament, whatever this little local tournament was, and so this is a big deal for me. Like, you know, I'm, you know, karate kid right in the side on the. Uh, not on the the mat. And my coaches, Mr. Miyagi, in this, in this situation, and we're have this plan that we've worked together to try to do this. And then in my other blue my dad shows up and and like, there's, I told you at my high school, wrestling was a little bit bigger deal because my coach made it a bigger deal. Turn the lights out. Spotlight in the middle of the mat. It's a, it's a, it's a exciting thing. So, and this is the, this is the final so it's kind of a, you know. And so my dad shows up and kind of appears out of nowhere, and he's wasted drunk, you know? And I'm like, Oh, my God, can you just give me a break and just get let me do this thing, and then we can deal with you later, you know. And so that's an example of the kind of stuff that I'm like. I don't want that for my guys, you know. I do not need that for my guys. I do not want to be that guy in my circle, you know, you know. And I see other people struggling with it in so many different ways, personally, professionally, with their relationships and businesses. And I decided that that wasn't the right thing for me. And also, when I drank, I smoked. So smoking me, you know, quitting drinking resulted ultimately in me quitting smoking. That in the fact that my wife was like, if you smoke around my kids, I'm gonna be, you know, you know you're gonna be in trouble. So I So, I so for those reasons, I quit both of those things. And so it's made me have a much better relationship with my family, you know, a much better relationship with my kids, with my wife. It's made me have be a much better lawyer, you know, because you got to think, how many of those times was I drinking and smoking, getting up for a trial and I felt like I had a headache or whatever the next day when I'm trying to even though I was very well prepared? Are you at your best under those circumstances when you're feeling the effects of drinking the night before? Maybe not, you know, it's helped me be a better boss and teammate and leader and business owner. It's helped me be more focused on what I need to do in the future in order to be able to accomplish the things that I want to accomplish and fulfill my mission, fulfill my purpose, which is to help injured people recover physically, financially, emotionally and so if I had kept on doing those things, I feel like I would not be where I am today in terms of the pursuit of those objectives. I don't even know if I would have identified those objectives, you know, because you have to spend so much time and energy doing the thing and then recovering from the thing. And so for me, it has been a huge blessing to get away from that lifestyle. Now,
how do you think that your you know your first setback, which is, you know the relationship with your father? How do you think that impacted your self awareness later down the road for this setback.
So again, it was, it is a huge blessing, right? Like, in other words, the experience that I have my dad and he would, you know, that was such a huge part of my kid. So initially, what I told you about was him leaving. It wasn't like it was good before he left. I mean, it was a disaster before he left. I mean, it was like a, you know, it was like a, you know, you know, two or three nights a week, it'd be some crazy drama, like out of a movie, you know, and so, so it was just like, not, not a good situation, and that was all fueled by his alcohol, his his alcohol consumption, and how it affected him. And also the professional and personal frustrations that led him to train. Can become frustrated and become angry and all that and so but me seeing that at the time, I remember thinking, you know, this is like, I couldn't have friends over, you know what I mean? Like, a lot of people have sleepovers. Well, you couldn't sleep over at my house, you know? And I couldn't really sleep over other people's houses, because I'd be worried about my mom, you know, I'd be worried that something bad would happen to my mom. So, like, it was a it affected a lot of things and so, and it does for like, you know, only kids that have this situation would necessarily recognize these things. But like, and also, a lot of times, they used to have these after school movies or whatever, about alcoholic or abusive parents or whatever, and then you you'd sit and be sitting there watching with your dad sometimes, and maybe it was on a night when he was drinking or wasn't drinking, and it would be like, so uncomfortable, because you'd be like, Huh? This is, this is ridiculous, right? You know? And meanwhile, everybody in the room knows about the elephant in the room, which is, this is a story about your life. So that was such a real and palpable problem for me growing up, you know, dealing with that and worrying about my mom's safety and in all this, you know, I don't want to seem like my dad was just the worst guy in the world. That's not true at all. He had some great quality. Holidays. He was very smart. He was so tough, like, I'll give an example how tough he was. Sons and and fathers sometimes will, especially in my household, would would, like, you know, have to be physical with one another. For example, if he was doing something I felt like was dangerous for my mom or whatever so but he was a big, strong, tough guy. I remember the only time I ever felt like I could take him. He was 82 years old. He was within hours of expiration, like he was within hours of his death, and he was hooked up to he'd have been up hooked up to a breathing machine for 30 days. I think, I think they only want you to be on them for two weeks, and I think you'd have been on there for a little bit over four weeks. And I remember thinking I could probably take this guy right now, you know, but I mean, that gives you an idea just how now, the last thing he said to me was, hey, I'm a lot better person than I used to be, and so and because he did have a good heart, he never I knew the whole time he was there, that anyone, even the time he wasn't there, that He loved us. He did love us. He loved us deeply, and he cared about us. He was a guy who had personal troubles and personal challenges. He was a guy who never his expectation for his life was here and his experience was here, and the difference caused him great frustration and great disappointment. And so because of that, that disappointment, when fueled with alcohol, manifested itself in negative ways, and it caused him to be frustrated, frustrated and angry and unpleasant to be around and sometimes dangerous to be around. And so because of that, you know, that gave me this sort of idea of who I wanted to be and who I did not want to be, you know, and how. And so, so that's so that. So when I felt myself get into a position of that alcohol that I consumed or wanted consumed might affected, might have affected the three or four people that I care about more than anybody in this world. I will not have that. And so maybe some people can drink and be fine. Maybe some people can drink and enjoy it and have a glass of wine and, you know, but I'm not taking that risk, you know, I'm not subjecting my I don't want my kids to feel embarrassed because I was, you know, acting like a fool or whatever, and or because I was sloppy, or I don't want my business to suffer. I don't want my clients to suffer. I don't want you know, like, in my opinion, life is challenging enough. Life is difficult enough without adding something else that might be a challenge or might make it harder. And for me, that's what it was. Not for everybody you know, but for me, that's what it was. And so I knew that I had to because of, I mean, that's another blessing about the whole thing, because of my experience with him as a child, and you combine that with what I was seeing as an adult, I knew that I cannot do that and do the things that I want to do, and have the life that I want to have, and have the legacy that I want to have. So I'm going to eliminate it and eliminate it now, if it wasn't for that thing again, that I thought was a curse in the beginning, I wouldn't have the blessing that I have now, which is this everything I ever wanted out of my personal, professional and family life. What other
ways have you found to cope with stress, or, you know, work stress, and has that been an enjoyable, valuable experience for you?
Well, that's a good question. Yeah. So, so how I cope with stress now is in much more positive ways. So if I have a particular stressful situation and I still do, one thing that I'll do is I'll I will get to a private place, and I will be big. I will stretch and be big, because I think that makes me powerful. I will breathe deeply in and out, because I think that makes me strong. I will pray because I think that makes me connected. And I will think about the things that I'm grateful for, because I think that gives me perspective. You know, so and gratitude is, to me, one of the most underutilized tools. All those things are good management tools, right? I mean stress management tools, but gratitude is among the best. And I'll tell you more about this in the next piece of this. But just just the idea of gratitude under difficult circle. And I've learned this from like many of my clients right, who go through these unbelievable situations, and then they talk about the gratitude they have for their medical teams, for their families, for you know, their therapists, for their doctors, for their. Or, you know, children, their wives, or whatever you know, what I mean, friends, pets, you know, and they're just so grateful for the connections and the relationships they have, for God, you know, for all these things that it is so that gratitude is a huge piece of this. The other thing that I have found to be helpful for me personally, is working out. You know, that's just taking different forms. For years, I swam on a daily basis. For years, I ran on a bid daily basis. For years, I worked out in a gym on a daily basis. I work out now I work out with a trainer on a regular basis. On days I don't work out my trainer. I go for these long walks of my dog. You know, those are that physical exertion, that working out, that that exercise, to me, is therapeutic. The first benefit of all of it is it helps clear your mind. It helps put your thoughts in perspective. Man, I have come up with some of the best ideas from, from just getting on my bike and putting in the wind for an hour, as hard as I can go, and I get back and I'm like, boom, I know what I got to do, you know? I mean, this series is a product of work, of working out and walks with my dog, who is a fantastic listener, you know. And, and now, is this series gonna win a Pulitzer Prize, you know? I don't know, but if it helps somebody, then I'm happy, because that's what it was supposed to do. And so, yeah, so these different things that we do to you can manage stress, I think, in positive ways, rather than masks. Mask stress in negative ways. Now
it sounds like not only did you, you know, giving up alcohol get you out of a negative habit, but you've then replaced it with a, you know, positive habit. And how, how are, how is those positive habits, you know, impacted you and your relationships with your family, and then even so your business.
So, yeah, that's interesting. So the one of the things it's funny, I talked to the ACE Carolina baseball player about this the other day, is he was on the podcast. He was talking about getting a little bit better every day, you know. And then I look back at our core values, and that's one of our core values. It's one of my personal core values, but it's also one of our firm core values, is to get a little bit better, is to make improvements. And so I think that's that's a critical component to intentional living and to building the life that you want to build rather than residing in the life that you currently experience. As to is to try to be better. And the way that you can do that a lot of times is by replacing bad habits with good habits. And so whereas before I drink, I mean, and I had these favorite bars, right? And, man, there are some great bars like and so I went to school in Greenville. Man, they had some good bars in Greenville, Chico's, Grogs. Grog was my favorite bar. My buddy worked at Grogs, and it was like a old school drinking bar, kind of like a small cheers kind of thing. You know, same crowd in there. Oh, it's good, you know, Corrigan's elbow after radical attic rafters, you know, all these two step anyway, there's all these great bars in Greenville. Anyway, I'll leave and I go to school. And I didn't really do any of that for a while because I was so focused on law school and and then. But, you know, you get to get to, you know, wherever you're going to set up shop or whatever. And you can always find these great bars. And there's in there, and then the people there are great too, you know, you get to know the people that work there and the people that hang out there. And then there's new people that come, you know, there's, you know, Toby Q song. I love this bar. And then also, you know, so I then I have a family, and then I have, and I used to really enjoy being on my back porch, you know, as a beautiful view. You look out the back of the water and it's just goes on forever. It was a great place to just reflect and think about stuff and just relax and all. I loved it so much. But anyway, then and then, then later in time, I when I when I just decided I wasn't going to drink again. I did not drink again. So then what I did was I started working out, and, or I'd always kind of worked out, but I really increased the parts of working out. And so what I found was, now I love this gym, like I like the people. I like the guys that work there, you know, like the you got the guys on the equipment next to me, or whatever, like the process, you know, you know, being a 5k or, you know, what, or whatever, you know. And I was never the guy that is going to wake up at five o'clock and run a 5k on Christmas morning or whatever. That's not my bag. But there's, you know, I. Got to the point where I really enjoyed it, and what I found is, if I can do it three days in a row, I can do it four. You know, if I can do it three weeks in a row, I can do it four. If I can do that three months in a row, I can do it four. If I can do that three years in a row, I can do it four. If I can do that three decades in a row, I can do it four. And so that has been, you know. And so sometimes you have to psych yourself up to, I mean, you probably know this from your athletic career and playing sports in college and stuff, but you don't always feel like maybe it's raining and maybe you're, you know, you've got a headache or you don't, you know. But my experience is, all you gotta do is put on your shoes. You put on your shoes. All you gotta do is get in the car. You in the car. All you gotta do is get to the gym, you know, or go outside or whatever. And then, if I'm taking a walk with my dog, all I gotta do is get out her leash, you know. And if you just do that part, you don't have to commit to, I'm going to go to the gym and work out for an hour. I'm going to do legs or or back or or arms today. All you have to do is say I'm going to get in the car, you know, I'm going to set foot in the gym, and then once you get there, you're doing your thing, you know? But there's, there's so much value in making that commitment and taking that first step. And I think that's a metaphor for a lot of things, but I think that replacing those bad habits, and I have a sort of a kind of a compulsive personality, if that's not obvious, so that whereas somebody else might do one episode of a podcast. We do 1000 you know, somebody else might, you know, work out a little bit. I worked out a lot. You know, somebody else might take this approach to building a case for a client, an injured person. I'm going to take this approach to do it, you know, and so. So most of the time, that serves you well, unless you're into negative habits, if you're into positive habits, it's great, you know. It's great. You know, we want to, you know, you're doing things that are that are positive and beneficial and will have a positive impact on your community, on people around you, and your family and your clients. That's great, you know. So if I can substitute positive hobbies and habits and activities for negative ones, then that's good. And as I've gotten older, I've done that more and more and more and more. Oh, thank you. Mr. Speaks, sure. Thank you. Thanks for joining us. Don't forget to subscribe and follow us to stay up to date with our weekly episodes. We'll see you next time you.
